Forgetting You
by Brittanyismyunicorn
Summary: Santana has loved Rachel for as long as she can remember but she blew her shot when she had it. Now Rachel is married to Quinn with two kids and it may seem fine on the outside looking in, but there's always more to the story. AU. G!P. Abuse. Violence. Rape. Adult themes. Faberry/Pezberry
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hello all. Thanks for your interest. This story may be triggering as it deals with violence, abuse and rape so I don't advise reading past this note if that is triggering for you. If you've stayed this far, i wouldn't advise too many Quinn lovers to read this story as well. Other than that, enjoy and review or don't it's up to you but thanks for reading.**

* * *

 **Rachel's P.O.V.**

I can't breathe. Every breath…burns so much. I feel as if my lungs are collapsing on themselves. Is this it? Is this the day I've been dreading? Maybe I should be grateful for it. It'll end the pain. It'll end…everything. I just…I can't let go. I can't let this be the end of…me. My son needs me…my daughter needs me. I can't…I can't leave them with this…monster…

My ears are ringing so loudly I can't hear anything being shouted at me. I try to lift my body from the cold kitchen tile, but my body is too damaged. I feel the warm thick liquid leaving my body, pooling around my cheek and eye. I lay in darkness because my eyes are too heavy to open. My ribs are still feeling the attack. The agonizing shooting pain across my chest and sides causes me to bring my knees towards my chest. It won't stop the pain. It never does…but it's worth it. To protect my stomach. The life being created inside me did not ask to feel pain…this pain. I feel my head being jerked upward and I use the last bit of strength I have to open my right eye; the left is too swollen.

"I said clean this shit up! Do you fucking understand me?!" Is shouted at me while I stare into hazel eyes that used to make me flee like floating but now makes my blood run cold and my breathing so fast I hyperventilate because I never seem to be able capture enough air in my lungs. Those eyes always make me question whether or not this is my last day on this earth. Those eyes…haunt me.

I feel the sting of nails cutting into my chin and I nod my head. If I don't respond I'll just get another fist. My head is dropped quickly. I don't have the energy to stop it from colliding with the floor. Now the room is spinning. I close my eye and lie still. She'll leave soon. She always does. I just have to comply at this point.

"I'm going out." She says eerily calm. I don't respond. I lie on the floor until I hear the front door close and the start of her car.

Once I see the lights of her car passing the house, I allow myself to cry, albeit minimally because the tears burn as they fall to my face. Once I feel I am able to stand, I grip the kitchen table for support as I pull myself to my feet. I open my eye and look at the kitchen floor covered in my blood. I look at the clock on the microwave. 12:24. She's becoming quicker. It only took 24 minutes today.

I make my way to the bathroom to evaluate the damage and fight back my tears as I look at my reflection. My right eye is already black and purple. There are cuts under both eyes and along the bridge of my nose. My nose is bleeding but by the look of it, it's not broken this time. If it were, I wouldn't be able to feel it anyway. My lip is split open in a few different places and is still bleeding profusely. They are at least 3 times their original size as well. I grab a towel and let cold water run over it before using it to clean my face.

I begin to take my clothes off and stare at the naked body in front of me. Bruises litter my body entirely…my arms, legs, ribs, my neck has that familiar hand print. I sigh as I cut on the cold water of the shower. I have learned that warm water makes every cut and bruise hurt more while cold water helps the swelling and numbs the pain.

I bring myself to get out of the shower and I throw away my bloody torn clothes. Once I change, I go back to the kitchen and clean up the pool of blood from the floor. This is my routine and since I've done it so many times, it doesn't take too long to accomplish. Even with every muscle in my body aching and the room spinning non- stop, I can clean this mess up fast enough so that my children don't see.

My children…they are the only things that keep me going. My beautiful 6 year old daughter Ava and 4 year old son Leo. They mean the world to me. Without them I probably wouldn't be here today. Ava is a beautiful girl with dark brown eyes and hair like me and I believe she favors me more while Leo has dirty blonde hair with hazel eyes and looks like a mixture of Quinn and I both though they both are my complexion. Being a full time mother was not what I envisioned in my future but I can't say I don't love the job.

Now I'm pregnant again and I'm not very happy about it unfortunately. I want my child, but I didn't want to continue having children with Quinn…I can't believe I put myself in this mess.

Quinn and I started dating in college. Quinn went to law school and I went to school to obtain my doctorate in musical arts. In our senior year we got married and we have been ever since. After graduating we were expecting Ava and Leo came soon after. We were happy for a while, until Ava was 3 years old and Leo was 1. Quinn began drinking more than usual and the more she drank, the angrier she became. It began with shoves and pushes then graduated to slaps and before I knew it, it was kicks and punches even when she was sober.

Over the years I've become very good at make up and it's almost gotten to the point where I can cover anything flawlessly outside of swelling, that has to reduce naturally. No one knows what happens to me when I come home. No one knows what Quinn is capable of and I don't want them to know. I don't want them to pass their judgments of me. I know what they'll say. They'll say I'm an imbecile for staying or not fighting back. The fact of the matter is, it's just not that simple. Abuse is a vicious circle and I've been trying to get out of it for the last 6 years.

Quinn began hitting me during the 2 years before Leo was born. Quinn stopped the entire time I was pregnant with him, but she made sure that I knew he was the only reason she didn't hurt me. As soon as I had him, things returned to normal. Quinn is a very smart abuser. Every time she hits me, she makes sure it's somewhere that is hidden by clothes and tries to only do it in the basement of our house, unless she is drunk, then she will hit me where ever. Quinn also had the kids rooms sound proofed so that they can't hear anything. I can't understand why she hits me but if I leave her, I'm afraid of what she will do. Quinn has threatened to take my children from me since I don't have an income. Since she's a lawyer, the divorce may pan out in her favor and losing my kids is not a risk I'm willing to take. They are all I have. I also don't think Quinn…would let me live if I left her.

Quinn doesn't know I'm pregnant yet so I'm not surprised she hit me. I just found out and haven't been able to tell her. The only time Quinn is not a monster, is when she's being a mother. My children love Quinn and excluding everything she does to me, she is a very good mother. As a mother she's caring, concerned, and involved. I never doubted that she loves her children and I know she would never hurt them the way she hurts me.

"Mommy! Mommy!" I hear. I open my eye and see Ava at my bedside. Luckily, I'm lying on my stomach with the left side of my face in the pillow.

"Morning honey." I tell her and she greets me with that beautiful toothless smile of hers. Ava recently lost her front tooth at the top and it just makes her that much more adorable.

"Morning mommy!" She climbs in the bed and hugs me and I hide my wince once she touches me.

I feel like I've been hit by a truck. I fight through the pain and wrap my arm around her to return her hug. Ava then moves and kisses my cheek and I make sure to nudge her back out of the bed so she doesn't notice my lip.

I never let my kids see me bruised and if they happen to catch something, I tell them I fell. It's easier to lie to children than it is adults.

"I'm hungry. Can I have a bowl of cereal?" She asks. I grab the blanket and move it over my face, only leaving my eye exposed to see her.

"Cereal? No we're having waffles." I hear from the other side of the room. Quinn is here.

"Yay! I love waffles!" Ava cheers.

"I know bug. Go wake your brother up and brush your teeth okay?" She says to Ava. Ava nods and bounces out of the room and Quinn and I sit in silence. I hate the way my heart rate won't return to a regular pace.

"Did she see anything?" Quinn asks calmly. I haven't turned to look at her so I'm not sure where she is in the room.

"No, I don't think so." I tell her.

"Good. Make yourself presentable and start cooking. We're hungry." With that Quinn leaves the room and I get up to go to the bathroom. My eye has gone down slightly but not enough to go undetected. I put my make up on and cover everything that I can and go downstairs.

Quinn is running around with the kids, playing hide and seek through out the house. I always dreamed of a life like this. Children running around while Quinn and I made breakfast together, just one happy family but it's just that, a dream.

After I finish cooking, the kids go to play in their rooms while I clean up. I hate the weekend. Quinn doesn't have to work so I don't get an opportunity to escape her. As I put away the dishes I feel hands on my hips and I jump reflexively.

"What are you jumping for?" I hear her say into my ear. Her body is pressed against mine and I can feel that she's aroused. This is the only time she touches me and I hate it.

"I just…didn't expect that." I tell her.

"Don't act like I never touch you." She says then I feel her lips on my neck. The pressure from the kiss makes me wince and move away.

"The hell is the matter with you? I can't kiss you now?" Quinn says becoming angry.

"No – I – it's just sore." I tell her.

"Sore? I barely touched you." Her nails begin to dig into my hips and I grip the counter in front of me.

"I'm sorry, I- I- I'm just sensitive." I stammer out as I fight back my tears. Quinn hates when I cry.

"Are you crying?" She asks with venom lacing her voice. My tears begin to fall and before I can say another word, I feel her hand around my neck cutting off my air supply.

"What did I fucking tell you about crying?" She whispers menacingly in my ear. Quinn tightens her grip and I can't breathe anymore.

"You have a good life. We live in a nice house, drive nice cars, have two beautiful kids but you're just never fucking satisfied, are you?! You can never just be fucking happy!" Quinn lets my neck go and I gasp for air as she moves away from me.

"You are such an ungrateful, worthless bitch. I give you everything you want but you can never be fucking happy. Why do I even put up with you?" She says. I wipe my tears quickly and look over to her. Quinn is leaning on the counter staring at me.

"I'm sorry." I say and she scoffs.

"Yeah right." She says. I catch my breath and take a step away from her.

"I need to tell you something." I say and Quinn raises an eyebrow to me.

"What?" She says.

"I'm – I'm…." I begin to feel my heart race again and more tears pool in my eyes.

"Spit it out!" She shouts and the noise causes me to jump backwards.

"I'm pregnant." I say softly and I brace myself for a slap.

"You're pregnant?" She asks. I look up at her and nod.

"How far along?" She asks.

"Two months. I just found out." I can see Quinn is becoming angry again. Her eyes are narrowed and she's clenching her jaw along with her fists.

"I thought you were on the pill?" She says angrily.

"I am but I told you they were switching it. When they do that it takes time befo-"

"Shut up!" She shouts at me and I do as I'm told.

"I know how birth control works. I'm not an idiot." Quinn runs her hand through her hair and exhales deeply.

"You're getting your fucking tubes tied after this. I'm not having another kid with you." She says then walks off.

I sigh in relief and sit at the kitchen table to allow my body to stop shaking. I hope she doesn't come back any time soon.


	2. Chapter 2

**Santana's P.O.V.**

I love the weekends. They're the best thing ever invented. I get to spend time with my daughter uninterrupted by life and it's stupid obligations. Brittany is currently pushing Adriana on the swing and I'm standing nearby. I love seeing them together and Brittany is such a good mother. When we had Adriana 3 years ago, it was an accident, yes, but this little angel was no mistake. Brittany and I have been friends since Kindergarten and we've had a complicated history but in the end, we decided we were only meant to be friends and the mothers to this beautiful being we created. Adriana has my complexion and hair color but everything else is all B, down to the piercing blue eyes. This little girl is definitely the best thing I've ever done.

"You want to push her now San?" Brittany asks me. I shrug and we switch spots.

"Tired B?" I ask and she shakes her head no.

"No but we were having all the fun." She says and I nod.

"Have you talked to Rachel?" Brittany asks and I shake my head no.

Rachel and I have been friends since our senior year in High School. Rachel is one of the most gorgeous and brilliant beings I have ever come across in my 32 years of life. If you couldn't tell, I have a thing for Rachel which sucks since she's married with two kids. I may as well be in love with a celebrity since I'll never have a chance with them either. Rachel is the one that got away for me, she's the one that was made for me but I was too blind to see. I fucked up when I had the opportunity to love her.

Rachel and I always had this sexual tension between us and one day in college it reached its head. We didn't sleep together because we got interrupted by her roommate but we were almost there. I can still feel her lips, her skin and the way her body fit perfectly with mine. That memory has played over and over in my mind over the years. After it happened Rachel wanted to make things official, but I was young and wanted to sleep around. I didn't want to settle down with her and hurt her because I wasn't ready to give her my all. I knew in my heart I loved her but I wasn't ready to give her what she deserved and for some reason I thought she'd wait for me. I wasn't ready to settle down so she found someone who was. Quinn fucking Fabray. The fucking Queen Bee and the biggest piece of shit I've ever met, and coming from me that's saying something.

Quinn went to High School with us too but she hated Rachel back then. They never had a conversation that didn't turn into an argument or conflict. In college Quinn was nicer to Rachel and the next I knew, they were dating. Now here's the real reason Quinn is a huge piece of shit. Quinn knew I had a thing for Rachel because believe it or not, I was actually friends with her. I don't find it a coincidence that just a few months after I told Quinn how I felt about Rachel and what happened between us, they started dating. Quinn claims she asked for my permission, which she technically did after they had already been dating for 2 fucking months.

It took me awhile to get over that and I only let it go because I wanted to have Rachel in my life. When I found out they were engaged, it didn't bother me. People get engaged all the time and don't make it down the aisle but when Quinn asked me to be her maid of honor, I almost killed her. I only went to the wedding because Rachel asked me to be there for her. I still remember that conversation we had.

 _ **~Flashback~**_

I don't even understand why the hell I agreed to this stupid lunch. If Rachel thinks she's going to rip into me because I almost murdered her _fiancé_ , she has another thing coming. I'll fucking…okay I won't do anything to Rachel but she will get an earful. I enter the coffee shop and see Rachel sitting at a table by the window. I grab the seat across from her and she smiles at me.

"Hey S." She says and I nod my head.

"Cut to the chase Rach." I tell her and her smile falters slightly.

"Well, I want to ask you to still come to the wedding. I know that you and Quinn are at odds but I would still love to have you there." She says and I roll my eyes.

"So I can watch that bitch ruin your life? No thanks."

"San." She says and I shake my head.

"Please? For me? I'll even save you a dance." She says and I roll my eyes. I can't say no to her.

"Fine. Now I gotta get to work. I'll talk to you later okay?" I say as I stand. Rachel stands also and comes and hugs me.

"Thank you." She says. I hug her back then leave the coffee shop.

 _ **~End Flashback~**_

I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to tell her how I felt. I wanted to love her, but I couldn't. Rachel didn't love me. She didn't want me, she wanted Quinn and I couldn't do anything about it. I'm not even sure if she knew how I felt about her back then or even now. I've kind of accepted that she's with Quinn, I mean it's been 10 years, I had no choice but to try. Plus, their kids are pretty awesome. Adriana loves them and since Rachel doesn't work, she's a great babysitter. Also, I love Adriana being an excuse for me to see Rachel every week.

Yes, I should be over her but I've come to the conclusion that I'm going to die alone and I'm fine with that. As long as Rachel is happy then I'm happy. I can't change the past and I can't make her love me.

"Well I could have sworn she said something about missing being around adults. I was thinking we could take her out." Brittany says to me.

"Just her? Or Lucifer too?" I ask. Brittany sighs.

"You're never going to let it go with Quinn, are you?" She asks and I shrug.

"It's hard to forgive your ex- best friend for stealing the love of your life B." I tell her.

"Yeah but she makes Rachel happy. Isn't that all that matters? San you have to move on. Plus, you turned Rachel down."

"B, I'm not stuck in the past. I'm not mad at her and I don't hate her…that last part may have been a lie but we'll never be friends again. I can't trust her and that's just that. It doesn't matter that Rachel was single. Quinn knew how I felt about her and still went behind my back."

"You are the only person who can hold a grudge this long." She says.

"Am not. You've met my abuelita." Brittany knows I'm right. That woman didn't talk to her own husband for over a year because he didn't apologize for accidentally drinking her orange juice.

"That doesn't make it okay. Don't you want to set a good example for our daughter? Or do you want her to hold grudges too?" Brittany asks.

"B…she's 3 years old. Adriana probably won't remember this day after tomorrow." Brittany huffs and rolls her eyes.

"Let's just ask Rachel out and see what she says. I wasn't going to invite Quinn anyway because she gets to see adults. Rachel is always with kids." Brittany says.

"Fine. What are we going to do? Drink? There's nothing more adult than that." I say.

"I was thinking of going to this new salsa club that just opened up. I haven't seen you dance in years, plus you've been stressed lately so it should be fun." Brittany says and I nod my head and smile at her.

Brittany is a true best friend. I have been stressed lately at work. I just got a promotion at work and I'm now the head nurse of my floor. I didn't know I worked with so many fucking idiots until I got this promotion. I don't know what I would do without her and the best part is that she isn't going anywhere.

"Alright. Who's ready for ice cream?" I say excitedly, and I get two very enthusiastic 'Me!' shouted at me.

After ice cream Brittany and I go back to my place and put Adriana down for her nap. Brittany and I live a few blocks from each other so it's never hard to share Adriana. We normally rotate weeks and sometimes we just spend the night at each other's house to be close to Adriana. Regardless of our schedules, we both see her every single day. I'm just hoping the lack of romantic relationship between Brittany and I won't mess her up in the long run. We got pregnant with her when we were trying out a relationship. It didn't last long and we didn't have any hard feelings.

I'm not sure how our dynamic will change once one of us gets into a relationship but I hope it doesn't change much. I don't even know who I'm kidding. The only person who would end up in a relationship would be Britt. My history with relationships has been so shitty and now that I have Adriana, I don't really care for dating. I can't say I wouldn't take the opportunity if someone asked me out on a date, but it probably won't make it past dating. I don't know…I just can't find someone as good as Rachel.

Rachel wasn't into the whole idea of going out to do anything this weekend because she has plans but she agreed to come out with us next weekend. Britt is trying to make this a big party now since she has more time to plan and she wants me to host it. I don't mind it so I let her go ahead with her plans. It's been hard to see Rachel these past few years. It's like she just doesn't want to talk to any of us. I'm not even sure she talks to her family anymore at this point. B and I have the most contact because of Adriana. I can't say I don't miss _really_ talking to Rachel. Yeah, I see her but we barely talk. Most of the reason for that is because I…get nervous. I know, hard to believe but when I see Rachel, I turn back into the college kid that's head over heels for her. I'm pathetic…I know.

"Well, I'm going to head home." Britt says to me from her seat on the couch. Adriana is in bed now.

"Sure you don't want to crash?" I ask and she shakes her head.

"I know you want to play video games until you go to sleep. I'll see you tomorrow okay?" She stands then comes over to hug me. I hug her back and she leaves out the door.

Sometimes I really wish I could have worked something out with Brittany but that just wasn't meant to be.


	3. Chapter 3

**Rachel's P.O.V.**

I've never been so grateful that the weekend is over. I do miss having more time with Ava, but I can live with her going to school. I feel like this week will be…dare I say…good? Quinn left me alone after I told her I was pregnant, which is what I expected. When I was pregnant with Leo I may as well have gone through the pregnancy by myself. I can't really tell how she feels about the pregnancy, but I don't think I'll inquire about it either. Quinn will speak to me when she chooses and I'm absolutely fine with that.

At least I am able to see Santana this week. Since Adriana comes over every week, I get to see Brittany and Santana often. I look forward to seeing Santana because she is one of my closest friends and I don't socialize as much anymore. Quinn has made me keep everyone at a distance so that they can't gauge what is happening in our home when no one is around. I haven't seen my fathers in over 5 years and I doubt I'll be seeing them any time soon.

Seeing Santana is like…a breath of fresh air. I enjoy Brittany's company as well, but Santana and I have always had something deeper and more meaningful. When I talk to her, I forget what my reality is. I can really just be Rachel Berry. I can say whatever I want without worrying I've offended her because it's Santana.

Santana and I have a very interesting dynamic so to speak. Santana…well Santana was the one I always envisioned myself with but she wasn't interested. That was a long time ago though. I've since moved on but I wouldn't be being completely honest if I said I didn't think about what it would have been like to be with Santana. That's not anything I think of often. I try not to dwell on things that could have been or how things may have been. I have to deal with my reality with Quinn and my children.

The swelling on my eye has gone down enough that it isn't noticeable so this morning I was able to put enough make-up on to make myself look as close to normal as I can. Santana didn't say anything when she saw me so I'll assume I was able to cover everything. Speaking of Santana, she should be here any minute to pick up Adriana. I love having Adriana over, she is the sweetest thing and reminds me a lot of Brittany but don't fooled. There's a lot of Santana in there too, the second she becomes upset. It's fine though, Santana does a very good job making sure Adriana keeps her temper under control. I actually love seeing them together. Santana is a fantastic mother honestly and it's like seeing another part of her I never thought I'd see. Santana has a very nurturing, disciplinary parenting style.

Adriana and Leo have been asleep for the last 10 minutes, so I've been cleaning up the mess they previously made. I'm just finishing up when I hear the doorbell. Santana must be here. I put the toys away quickly and open the door.

"Hello Santana." I say with a smile to greet her.

"Hey Rach. Where's my little monster?" She asks as I move aside to let her in the house.

"Currently napping with Leo in his room. They didn't feel the need to follow the schedule today." I tell Santana as she closes the door.

"Of course not. She always picks and chooses when she wants to listen. How long have they been asleep?" She asks.

"Roughly 10 minutes." I tell her as I sit on the couch. Santana nods her head and sits near me.

"How was she today?"

"Same as always. She sung her ABC's until she nodded off." Santana chuckles and shake her head.

"I've never seen a person love their ABC's as much as she does." I nod my head.

"I concur. Adriana sang it for at least an hour and a half. It was as if she was stuck on repeat." I say and Santana laughs again.

"I don't know how you deal with that all day. I love my daughter dearly but she's annoying as hell." She says and now it's my turn to laugh.

"Well since you said it…" I say. Santana chuckles.

"Not sure if I've thanked you lately but thanks again for watching her." Santana says and I resist the urge to roll my eyes.

"San, I've been watching her for 2 years now. I understand your gratitude. You and Brittany are my friends. Of course I'd help you out." I tell her.

"I know but I still want you to know I appreciate you." She says and I smile softly. It's nice to know that someone appreciates me.

"I know you do San." Santana gives me a small smile. Santana leans back on the couch and crosses her legs.

"You weren't busy were you?" I shake my head no.

"Good. I don't plan on leaving until you have to pick up Ava." She says. I don't have to pick up Ava for another hour.

"Why is that?" I ask her.

"I don't feel like we've talked in a while. So tell me what's new in Rachel's world."

"Honestly not much. I can't say I have the most exciting life Santana." I tell her.

"Well I got a promotion at work." Santana says.

"That's great Santana! Congratulations!"

"No. It's fucking hell because my department is filled with idiots and I have to deal with their shit every fucking day." Santana rolls her eyes and I can't help but chuckle.

"What?" She asks curiously.

"It's just…San you could complain about a perfect day. Nothing could go wrong and you would still find something." Santana rolls her eyes.

"I don't complain about being in your company." She says.

"I wouldn't know that, now would I?" Santana nudges my shoulder and I giggle.

"If you bored me, you know damn well I'd tell you." Santana turns towards me, putting her hand behind her head with her elbow on the couch.

"Anyway, are you going to flake on us this Friday? B and I have a wager going and I want to know if I'm losing or not." She says.

"I told you guys I'd be there." Santana rolls her eyes.

"I just lost 20 bucks because you actually want to be reliable." Santana says frustrated. I avoid eye contact and lower my head. I don't want her to be upset.

"Rach?" Santana calls out. I look up at her from the corner of my eye then back down to my lap.

"Rach? You okay?" I feel her hand on my shoulder and I flinch and move away slightly.

"I'm fine. I just…sorry. I won't go out." I tell her.

"Rachel, it was just a joke. Calm down. You don't have to apologize." She says and I nod my head. I don't know why I'm reacting this way but I can't help it.

"I'm sorry…I'm just…in a weird place right now." I tell her.

"Well, what's up? We still have a while before you have to get Ava. Hell, we could go get Ava if it takes that long." She says.

This is why I love when Santana is around. I can express how I feel and have someone _actually listen_. Santana actually listens to me and I don't have to worry about her hitting me if I talk to her without being spoken to first.

I couldn't help but tell Santana about my pregnancy. I wanted to tell her about how I truly felt about it and how I don't want to be in this situation, but I couldn't muster the courage to. If I would have started to tell her, I would have told her everything and I can't do that. The way…the way Santana looked at me while I spoke to her…I know she already knows how I feel. It's like she can see past my facade and…that terrifies me.

 **Santana's P.O.V.**

Today was interesting to say the least. Rachel was…weird. I don't know how to explain it. I didn't expect to that conversation to turn into what it did, though I'm not complaining. I feel like a shit friend. Rachel is sitting here, going through something because of this pregnancy and I haven't even asked her how she was in months. The hell is wrong with me?

I'm going to chop Quinn's dick in half. Why the hell is Rachel so afraid to have another baby? What is going on over there? Are they having issues? I can't say I wanted that to happen but I'm not mad it did if that's what's going on. Rachel should be fucking happy and if Quinn won't do her fucking job, I will. I'm pissed this cunt knocked her up again but there's nothing I can do about it.

I'm trying to not let this affect me but I'm dying on the inside. I want that to be my baby. Those should be my kids and she should be my wife. If she were my wife she wouldn't be so upset that she's pregnant. Rachel didn't say she regrets getting pregnant but she damn sure implied that this was unexpected. I didn't even try to pretend like I was happy for her for having another kid. My anger wouldn't let me. Why is the world such a cruel fucking place?

Rachel needs a friend right now and that's painfully clear. I actually went with Rachel to pick up Ava so that she could keep talking before Adriana and I left. We talked about how she misses her friends, her family and working. Rachel is unhappy and I can see it. Why did it take me this long to see she was unhappy? I'm going to stick my foot so far up Quinn's ass she'll only be able to taste shoe polish for the rest of her life. Quinn had one job and she fucked up so now it's my turn. If she won't make Rachel happy, I will.


	4. Chapter 4

**Santana's P.O.V.**

"Berry, how long does it really take to get ready?" I say from my car. I told Rachel I'd pick her up. We're going to this bar where all our friends are. Brittany managed to pull it together in 5 days and I'm actually really impressed. After talking to Rachel, I've concluded she's unhappy because she sits at home all damn day. I wouldn't be fucking happy either so, I'm going to change that.

"Santana, I am almost ready. Patience is a virtue." She says to me.

"When the hell have I been virtuous? Move your ass woman." I tell her.

"Okay, sorry." She says and I sigh. Why is she so overly apologetic?

"I'll just be sitting here waiting. Impatiently."

"I'm sorry." She says again in a small voice. Is she okay?

"Rach, I'm just fucking with you. You know that right?"" I ask her.

"Yeah…I – I know San…I'll be out momentarily okay?" She says.

"Alright. Bye Rachel." Rachel says goodbye and we end the phone call.

I can't figure out what's up with Rachel. It's almost like she's afraid of saying something wrong to me. I'm going to ask B if she's noticed that too. Rachel hasn't been the same Rachel who had a retort to whatever smart mouth comment I made. Maybe I'm reading too much into it but I think Rachel is depressed. That is one thing I will not tolerate. I can be content not having Rachel as long as I know she's happy with her life but this, this is just unacceptable.

After Rachel finally gets in the car, she's quiet for a little while until I say something to her. Driving today was the absolute hardest thing I'd ever done. It's mid September and for some reason it's not very cold so that gave Rachel the opportunity to wear a dress. A dress that hugs her in all the right places, shows just enough cleavage and skin to keep my eyes wandering. Rachel is pretty early in her pregnancy, so she isn't showing much. If you look hard enough you may be able to see a small bump but it's minimal. Over the last decade and after two kids, Rachel is still gorgeous.

Rachel's long chestnut hair hasn't lost its luster, I still get lost in those chocolate eyes and that smile, that smile still reduces me to nothing. Rachel could hand me a gun and tell me to shoot myself with a smile and I really might consider it. She is just…perfection and I can't look away. Even with flaws, she's still gorgeous. Rachel has a big gash on her lip that's currently healing, and when I asked about it earlier this week, she said she tripped over a toy and fell right into a wall. Been there done that. I got a black eye from Adriana once. Long story but, kids will kill you if you aren't careful.

Rachel and I finally arrive at the Karaoke bar. If there's one thing that will brighten up Rachel Berry's day, is the opportunity to show off those pipes. In college we practically lived in karaoke bars and we were the reigning champs. Unbeatable, unstoppable, hell we were plain magnificent. Rachel and I literally won every competition.

I find somewhere to park and Rachel and I walk into the building. Rachel's face lights up like a kid at Christmas when she sees all our college friends. Sam, Mercedes, Tina, Kurt, Mike, Britt, the whole damn crew. I could have sworn I saw tears in her eyes by the time she finished saying hello to everyone.

We all sit at our tables and start to catch up. Hell I haven't seen some of these people in years. No one lives in New York anymore but Britt, Rachel, Quinn and I. Everyone else went their separate ways. Brittany really performed a miracle getting everyone here on a Friday night. Rachel seemed a little uncomfortable at first with people asking about the pregnancy and Quinn but I guess she got over it.

"I can't believe you did this Brittany." Rachel says to Brittany who is sitting on the left of her. I'm sitting on Rachel's right. I made sure not to leave her side so I can make sure she has a good time.

"It was time we had a reunion anyway." Brittany says then stands.

"Now who's ready for some Karaoke?!" She shouts enthusiastically as she looks at our group. We all cheer. Brittany goes over to Artie and they are the first people to go up and sing. I'm sure none of us have really sang at all in the passing years but with a few drinks in your system, we all sound like Beyoncé. After about an hour, Rachel still hasn't gotten up to sing so…

"You ready?" I say from beside Rachel. Rachel turns her head from the stage to look at me.

"For what?" She asks innocently.

"To wipe out these losers. No way you thought we weren't going up there." I say. Rachel's eyes double in size and she begins shaking her head.

"Santana, I haven't sung in god knows how long. I can't go up there." She says and I roll my eyes.

"Rachel Berry can do whatever the hell she wants. You know you want to go up there. Let's just have fun." I tell her and she sighs but nods her head.

"Okay." I smile at her and we both stand from our seats and head up to the stage. Our group cheers us on as Rachel picks the song and I grab a mic and hand it to her. Rachel looks like she's horrified this is happening. Since when does Rachel Berry have stage fright?

"You okay?" I ask her before she chooses the song. Rachel looks up at me and exhales deeply.

"I don't think I can do this San." She says.

"Rachel, It's just for fun. No pressure." I tell her.

"I know, I just…I haven't done this in years." I take Rachel's left hand in my right and lean down slightly so that we make eye contact. Rachel has developed a habit of speaking to the ground. Once she's looking at me I tell her.

"Forget all those people are here. It's just you and me. We're just singing in my dorm like we use to." Rachel cracks a smile and nods her head.

That's where I found out Rachel had golden pipes. One day in my dorm, we were studying and 'I kissed a girl' just happened to come on. We belted out every note and from then our study breaks almost always included singing some song together. When we sang together, the rest of the world faded away. Rachel was the only thing in existence in my eyes.

I take a step back and let Rachel pick a song and as the music starts to play, the crowd starts to cheer. They actually have this song? Wow. Rachel looks over to me with a smile and I shake my head at her. Of course that would be the song she picks. As the first line of the song comes up, I pick up my mic.

" _I've been hearing your heartbeat inside of me. I keep your photo right beside my bed._

 _Livin' in a world of fanticies. I can't get you out of my head."_ I look at Rachel and smile at her as she begins to sing her part.

" _I've been waiting for the phone to ring all night. Why you want to make me feel so good_

 _I got a love of my own. Shouldn't get so hung up on you."_ Rachel turns her body towards me and reaches her hand out. I take it mine and we both begin to sing the chorus.

" _I remember the way that we touched I wish I didn't like it so much. I get so emotional, baby_ _  
_ _Every time I think of you. I get so emotional, baby_ _  
_ _Ain't it shocking what love can do. Ain't it shocking what love can do."_ Rachel and I held hands and sang to each other until the song ended.

Rachel and I get off the stage and her smile is so bright and infectious I just couldn't contain mine. I pull Rachel's chair out for her before we sit and she thanks me.

"That felt amazing!" She says then laughs immediately after.

"I told you it would be fun." I say and Rachel nod her head.

Rachel got back on that stage a few more times before we all left to head home. The whole ride back to her house was non stop talking about whatever happened to cross her mind. Rachel seemed like she had a great time so I accomplished my mission. I pull into her driveway and cut the car off as she gets out. I get out as well so that I can walk her to the door.

"I would ask if you had fun tonight, but the answer is pretty obvious." I say once we reach her door. Rachel giggles as she looks for her keys in her purse.

"I haven't had that much fun in forever. Thank you so much." She says then pulls me in a hug. I gladly return it and she looks at me.

"What?" I ask.

"Nothing. We should do this again. You and I." She says.

"Duh. Stop being a damn hermit and we can do a bunch of shit."

"Thanks for being there for me also. I know I kind of unloaded some stuff on you the other day and –"

"Rachel, don't." I say interrupting her. Rachel continues to fix her gaze on my eyes.

"The whole reason I'm here is for shit like that. I'm going to be here for you through the good and the bad. That's what friends are for. If you need an ear, I have one to lend. Don't be afraid to just talk to me." I tell her and she nods her head then kisses my cheek.

"Good night Santana." She says.

"Good night Rachel." Rachel opens her door and waves at me one more time before disappearing inside her house.

Did Rachel really just kiss my cheek? I shouldn't be as excited for that as I am but I can't help it. Rachel kissed me…oh god, I sound like a high school boy. I get in my car and drive home so that I can let the babysitter go home. I doubt I'll be going to sleep tonight.


	5. Chapter 5

**Rachel's P.O.V.**

Last night was absolutely amazing. I was able to see my friends I hadn't seen or talked to in years. I didn't know how much I missed them until last night. Brittany and Santana really are such good friends, I truly don't deserve them. Especially Santana. Santana was so wonderful last night. Honestly, she's been wonderful all week. Ever since I told her how lonely I've felt, she has been there. Santana texts me every day or makes sure to call if she doesn't see me and then to do what she and Brittany did for me…I didn't think anyone cared that much about me.

Since we left late last night, the kids were already in bed and Quinn was home. I didn't tell Quinn I was going out last night and when I got home she was still asleep. I hope she doesn't ask me about anything. I know what she will want to do but I'm not sure if she will do it. When I woke up this morning, the house was quiet. I got out of bed to look for Leo and Ava but they weren't anywhere in sight so I take a look in the garage. Quinn's car is gone. Quinn must have taken them out so I have the place to myself for a while.

For some reason, I find that I feel safe with Santana. I feel like she won't hurt me and will protect me but I can't stop myself from…fearing her. I know Santana won't hurt me, I know this, but my body doesn't. My body sees her as a threat but she's not and when I feel like I've said something that may upset her, she doesn't look like Santana anymore. Santana turns into Quinn in my eyes and I become afraid of her. I've been trying to stop that but it just won't and Santana isn't the only person this happens with. Last night, it happened with almost all my friends but… when I looked at Santana, it all stopped. None of this makes any sense but it's just how my body is reacting to people.

I make myself a cup of coffee and text Quinn. I'm not supposed to talk to her unless I'm spoken to but I need to know where my children are. I will take whatever Quinn has to throw at me as long as I know where my children are. Quinn texts me back and tells me they went to breakfast and she's going to take them a few other places so they probably won't be home until late afternoon or early this evening. That means I don't have to see Quinn for a while and I can have some time to myself. I quickly go to the grocery store to grab some ingredients to make myself a vegan breakfast sandwich. Quinn forced me to give up veganism after she started getting physical with me. I still try to keep my meat consumption to a minimum but it's very difficult. I hate that I can't be who I am anymore…it makes me question if I'm even a person anymore. Do I even know who I actually am anymore?

I don't want to go to that place. I don't want to go to that dark place where I can't escape…the last time I went there, I almost did something I couldn't take back. I almost took my children's mother away and they'd grow up without ever knowing why I did it. I couldn't do that to them. I finish making my sandwich and sit on the couch. I've been texting Santana since I realized Quinn was gone and before I knew it, Santana was inviting herself over to teach me how to play _**Gears of War**_ or something like that.

I don't know if this is a good idea but it's hard to bargain with Santana. I don't want Santana to be here when Quinn gets back but it's possible Quinn won't be upset that Santana is here. Quinn has been wanting her friendship back with Santana for years now. They are cordial, but they don't have a friendship anymore. Quinn never told me what happened between them and Santana only says that Quinn stabbed her in the back. I feel like it may have something to do with me but I can't get either of them to give me more information. I hear my door bell ring and I get up to let Santana in.

"Ready to get your ass kicked?" My heart sped up when she says that but I take a minute to collect myself before giving her a polite smile.

"I didn't know this was a competition." I say to Santana as she begins connecting her game system to the living room TV.

I'm trying to keep my composure, but I can't help but stare at anything that isn't Santana. Quinn says stuff like that often…that she's going to kick my ass, or asks me if I'm ready. Quinn taunts me with these phrases and it's hard not to associate that with pain.

"Everything is a competition. Have you forgotten who I am?" Santana says and I feel myself relax slightly. I love that she jokes so much. It helps relax me and when you're as anxious as I am, you're grateful when something helps calm you.

"I'm very familiar with your competitive spirit." I tell her.

Santana is now bent over in front of me and I can't help but look at her backside. Santana is so beautiful…she's always been. Time has only amplified her looks and Santana always takes care of her body so she's still in amazing shape. I'm sure I can't move my eyes from her backside because I'm…sexually repressed in a sense. I haven't been sexually attracted to Quinn in years and any intercourse we have is…not consensual. Quinn feels that I am her property and when she wants sex, I have to give it to her or she'll just take it…that's how I got pregnant again.

"One of my best attributes." She says then grabs the controllers and comes to sit next to me. Santana smells so nice…like a warm cinnamon bun fresh from the oven. It's intoxicating in the best way.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't sexually attracted to Santana. I am _very_ attracted to Santana which is why I kept her at a distance over the years. Santana simply licking her lips sends jolts of electricity down my spine and a warmth between my thighs. It's not just a physical attraction either, her personality is just as mesmerizing as her flawless skin, full lips and beautiful smile. Santana's smile has always made my heart skip a beat.

I once had feelings like these for Quinn but they died out even before the abuse started. I thought I could be happy with Quinn but in some ways, I feel I forced myself to be with her. When Quinn proposed to me, I wasn't over Santana but I said yes as a way to force myself to let Santana go. Santana made it clear that she didn't want to be with me so I couldn't sulk over her forever. Also, I did love Quinn at one point. I was happy with Quinn at one point so not thinking about Santana was a breeze…most days.

Now, I'm just a mess. Santana couldn't handle the baggage I come with. No one could handle it. No one wants to deal with me. Quinn has told me that a hundred times. I'm not worth the time or effort and she's right, I'm not.

After Santana shows me the controls we begin to play. I keep dying but Santana is determined to help me stay alive all the way through the mission at least once.

"Come on Rachel you're almost there! Don't fuck up." She says as I turn a corner. Some monster appears and tries to shoot me but I quickly defeat him and keep going forward on my journey.

"Yes! You might actually live." Santana says and before I know it, I've completed this part of the game.

"Hell yeah!" Santana cheers and I laugh as she turns to high five me. I high five her and put my controller down.

"Nice. Didn't think you had it in you Berry." She says and I roll my eyes.

"Never underestimate the competition." I tell her.

"I never do." Santana winks at me and I giggle.

We played some other games and I must have lost track of time because Quinn came back with the kids quicker than I expected. As soon as they come through the front door, the kids run to Santana.

"San!" Ava yells as she jumps in Santana's lap. Ava has always loved Santana. They have a cute relationship. Santana chuckles and hugs Ava.

"What's up?" She says to her as she ruffles Leo's hair who has glued himself to her leg.

"San? I thought that was your car outside. What are you two up to?" Quinn says as she closes and locks the front door.

"Just playing video games." Santana says.

"Can I play? Please?" Ava asks. Santana nods her head at her.

"If it's okay with your parents. I don't have kid friendly games." Santana says looking at me. I look at Quinn and Quinn looks at Santana.

"What's the least violent game you have?" She asks her. From what I can tell, they're all the same which are not appropriate for a 6 year old.

"I think I might have downloaded a Mario game a while back. Give me a second." Santana grabs her controller and scrolls through her games.

"Rachel, can I talk to you in the kitchen?" Quinn asks and I bite my lip and nod. I stand and follow her into the kitchen. The kitchen is far enough from the living room that you can't hear what someone is talking too because though the living room connects to the kitchen and dining room, the kitchen is further than the dining room is.

"What is she doing here?" She asks.

"She invited herself over. I –" Quinn puts her hand up which is just a signal for me to stop talking.

"It's fine. Where the hell were you yesterday?" She asks. I look down at the floor and try not to stammer.

"I uh…Brittany and Santana invited me out to a karaoke bar. I didn't think you'd mind." I tell her.

"I didn't give you permission to go out with them. Don't get ahead of yourself Rachel. Just because you're pregnant don't think anything has changed. You got that?" I nod my head and wait for her to speak.

"You can leave. Make sure Santana isn't corrupting my kids." She says with a smirk.

Is she joking with me or something? I'm confused about the smirk, but I quickly leave her presence. I go sit in the living room and try to calm down as I watch Ava play a game. After a little while, Quinn comes back into the living room and all my hard work to relax is tossed out of the window.

"So what's new with you san? I haven't seen you in a while." Quinn says. Quinn is hovering around the couch near Santana with a friendly smile.

"Nothing. Since when don't you work on the weekend?" Santana asks with a hint of annoyance in her voice.

"I haven't worked a weekend in a while S." Santana rolls her eyes.

"Well don't you have some friends or something you could be talking to?" Quinn's smile falters slightly and she laughs a humorless laugh.

"Some things never change do they Santana?" She says.

"Many things change Quinn. Many people change too, but the change you're looking for isn't going to happen. So stop trying. Thanks." Santana says dryly and the hurt that flashes across Quinn's face is one I've never seen before. I didn't know she could feel pain.

Quinn leaves the room after that and Santana and I sit with the kids and continue to play games until they find something else to occupy their time. Santana and I talk and play around for a little while before she leaves. After she leaves, Quinn emerges from wherever she'd been sulking and licking her wounds. I don't understand why she was so hurt by Santana's comments. I'm not sure I care that much though. As bad as this sounds, it felt good to see her hurt for once.

"Where's Santana?" She asks me with a glass of Bourbon in her hand. She's drinking already…great.

"She just left." I tell her. Quinn takes a swig of her alcohol and I try to leave the room.

"Where are you going?" She asks and I stop in my tracks.

"To check on the children." I lie.

"They're fine. Sit down." She says and I do as I'm told.

"You think you're better than me don't you?" She slurs out. She's drunk.

"No, I don't think –"

"Shut up!" She shouts.

"You're nothing. Santana isn't even your friend, she pities you because you're a fucking loser. You have no job and no money. The only thing your good for is lying on your back and you're not even that good at that. Hell, you're barely a mother. I barely trust you with my kids so I don't know why the hell Santana trusts you with hers. You don't have a purpose here. Why don't you just kill yourself and do everyone a favor?" Quinn then stumbles off and I stay seated.

I hold back my tears and stare at the floor. Quinn is right. I'm useless so why am I even living? Why do I even try.


	6. Chapter 6

**Santana's P.O.V.**

"Hey San." Brittany says from the other end of my cell phone. I just got off work and I'm walking to my car.

"Hey B, What's up?" I ask.

"Would you do me a favor?" She asks. I open my car door and get in.

"Yeah, what is it?"

"Pick up Adriana? I have a student here and it's taking him longer than I thought to understand this problem." She says.

"Yeah no problem B. Want me to drop her off later?" I ask.

"No I'll come get her. Thanks San."

"No problem. Talk to you later B." Brittany says goodbye and we hang up.

Brittany is a high school math teacher. Brittany says she wants to be that teacher that believes in her students even if it seems like they are a lost cause because to other people, in high school Brittany was that lost cause. If it weren't for one specific teacher believing in her and pushing her to take the ACT there's no telling what may have happened to Brittany.

On my way to pick up Adriana, I drive past a flower shop. An especially colorful bouquet catches my eye…I'm not even sure why. They just…remind me of Rachel. They're gorgeous. Pink, purple, red and green. They made my day better…maybe I'll pick them up.

After the flower shop I head straight to Rachel's. Great, it starts raining again. I hate the damn rain. I get to Rachel's and park. I grab the flowers before I get out of the car and sprint to her front porch, luckily there's an awning above me. I put the flowers behind my back and ring the door bell. Rachel has a surprised look on her face when she opens the door.

"Santana? I wasn't expecting you." She says.

"B got caught up at work so here I am. You're welcome." I say and she chuckles.

"Come in." Rachel moves aside and I enter the house. I hear Rachel close the door and I turn to face her.

"Did you bring Adriana flowers?" Rachel says as she moves to collect Adriana's things that are sitting on the couch where they always are.

"No. They're for you actually." I say as I reach to give them to her. Rachel has the biggest look of confusion on her face as she takes them from me.

"Thank you but why?" She asks and I shrug.

"They stood out to me and screamed Rachel Berry. I thought you'd like them so I just got them. I'll take them back if you want." I tell her and she shakes her head and smells them.

"They smell lovely. Thank you Santana." Rachel says then hugs me with the widest grin I've seen from her in a while.

I wish I could hold her like this forever. Rachel's skin is so soft and warm and she smells like strawberries. Feeling her body this close to mine sends my mind places and as much as I want to end this hug, I can't bring myself to break away.

"Mami!" I hear Adriana say as she runs towards me. Rachel and I break apart and I bend over to pick Adriana up.

"Hey monster. Were you good for Rachel today?" I ask her and she nods her head against my neck as I rub her back.

"Good. Did you tell Leo goodbye?" Adriana nods again and I look at Rachel.

"Goodbye Adriana." Rachel says and Adriana reaches her hands out to hug Rachel. Rachel comes close to me to hug Adriana and I enjoy every moment of it. Once their hug ends, Rachel grabs Adriana's things and hands them to me so we can leave.

"Don't let those die. I looked at them and they brightened my day. They can't do the same for you if they're dead." I tell her as she hands me Adriana's bookbag.

"Will do. They're so beautiful I'll have to show them off." Rachel says.

"That's exactly why they reminded me of you." I say…did I just say that? Shit. What the hell are you thinking. Rachel smiles and blushes and I try to avoid eye contact.

"Uh…what are you doing this weekend?" I ask her and Rachel shrugs.

"Probably nothing." She responds.

"What about next weekend?" I ask.

"Same thing. My life is pretty mundane." She says.

"Well next weekend I'm taking Adriana to an indoor water park. You in? On me. You and your two and a half kids." Rachel furrows her eyebrows and I point to her stomach.

"Oh, right. Yes, I'll let you know okay?" She says and I nod.

"Alright, I'll see you later." I tell her and I leave.

Rachel has no idea that when I said later, that's exactly what I meant.

 **Rachels' P.O.V.**

These last few weeks with Santana have been really nice. I haven't been treated this kindly in such a long time. I can't tell if Santana is just being nice or if…she's flirting with me. I know she was flirting with me earlier today but there's no way she meant it…right? Santana has always been flirty. That's just the kind of person she is. I'm reading too much into this. No way she'd be interested in me. I'm not even attractive…I'm not loveable, that's why Quinn hurts me. Who would really want to put up with me?

The rest of the day has gone as normal. I sat the flowers in a vase on the kitchen table. Quinn hasn't commented on them so either she hasn't seen them or she just doesn't care. I've bathed the kids and put them in bed and I've showered. Quinn is already in bed and I've just gotten out of the shower.

I hear my phone ring implying I have a text message. I grab my phone and read it. It's from Santana.

 **1 new message: Santana**

 **Put on some clothes and come outside.** It reads. I type my reply.

 _ **It's almost 11 o clock at night. Where am I going?**_ I ask.

 **Just come on. You'll be back before sunlight. Wear something old too. Preferably black.** Santana replies.

This might be a bad idea. I haven't asked Quinn and she's asleep. I can't wake her up now or she'll be upset…What is Santana planning this late at night? I'm going to take the risk and go with her. I quickly but quietly get dressed, grab my things, and leave the house. Santana is sitting in her car and I hurry to the passenger side of her car and get in.

"Where are we going?" I ask as Santana backs out of the driveway.

"That's how you greet someone? No, Hello Santana. How are you?" She says and I roll my eyes.

"Hello Santana. Where are we going?" I ask again as she begins to drive.

"Just ride." She says.

"Are you kidnapping me?" I ask and Santana chuckles.

"In a sense. It'll be fun though, trust me." She says and I sigh and sit back in my seat.

Santana is so unpredictable. I have no idea where we could be going this late. I look over at Santana as she drives and she's dressed in all black with her hair in a ponytail.

"We're not robbing a bank are we?" I ask and Santana laughs.

"Since when have I become a criminal?" She asks me and I shrug.

"Rach, I promise it's nothing bad. You're going to enjoy it and if not, we can always leave. Okay?" Santana assures me and I nod my head then return to looking out the window.

Santana and I talk about life and things that don't matter too much until we get to our destination. It looks like a huge warehouse and the parking lot is almost filled. What is this place? After Santana and I find a parking spot, we get out and begin to walk to the door.

"Now can I know where we are?" I ask again.

"This, my dear Rachel, is overnight laser tag."

"Overnight laser tag?" I repeat.

"Yep. It's not over until 11 a.m." She says as we reach the front door. Santana opens the door for me. I walk inside and look at the set up. It's pitch black with the only light source coming from the glow in the dark lining of the material that covers the floor and walls. Wow. This building is enormous. You can hear people running around but you can't see anything but the black walls they are behind. Santana touches my arm and I look over to her. Santana takes my arm and places a bracelet on it and we take a few steps from the glass booth where a man is sitting, selling admission bracelets. Soon there is a group of 8 people, including Santana and I, waiting for the next step. An employee comes out and tells us to follow her up the stairs which we abide by. We are taken into a single room where the lights are now red. Safety guidelines are given as we arm ourselves with a vest and gun. We're told that we are playing against the green team and that there is a tournament that ends at 1 a.m. and the winning team will receive a prize. There is a door behind the instructor that had been closed but is now being open by another employee from the other side. We are instructed to walk inside the room and do so. This room is the room we will be playing in. We're escorted our 'home base' where we can reload and where we will start the game by the other employee. The employee tells us to have fun and the game begins.

"Let's go this way." Santana says as we leave our base. I follow her as she turns left and make sure to keep an eye on what's behind me. The design of this room is that of another planet. It has interesting decorations with aliens, stars and planets. I continue to follow Santana and we run into our first pair of enemies. We shoot until we can take cover and once we reemerge, they are gone. Santana and I continue walking and I notice a balcony off in the far left corner of the room. I tap Santana and once I have her attention, I direct her towards it. Santana nods in understanding and we make our way towards the staircase to the balcony.

As we make our way over to the balcony, Santana and I switch places and I am now in front of her. We reach an opening where we will be vulnerable for far too long in my opinion. I look around and notice there is a more discreet way to reach our destination but involves more opportunity to run into an enemy. I take the risk anyway and turn right. As expected, a person is there and Santana and I shoot until they run away. We continue, and I turn left but then quickly step back when I see two more people from the green team. They're standing, talking to each other. If I would have taken one more step, they would have noticed me. Santana doesn't take a step back and I realize…I'm up against her. My behind is firmly pressed against Santana's crotch and…I hope that's just her phone in her pocket. The people from the green team finally leave and Santana and I proceed ahead as planned.

Before I knew it, the first tournament was over. Santana and I were second place and actually won a free game. The first place winners won 2,000 dollars but I didn't play to win, I just wanted to have fun and I did. In another part of the warehouse, they have a few food vendors. Santana goes to get herself some ice cream but since they don't have anything vegan friendly, or at the very least vegetarian friendly, I don't get anything. Santana and I sit at table so she can eat her ice cream and I check the time. 1:15 a.m.

"Who would have known Rachel Berry would be a good shot?" She says with a smirk.

"I know how to have fun."

"Yeah but most of your fun involves someone under the age of 7." She says then eats a spoonful of ice cream.

"That happens when you have kids Santana." I tell her.

"You sure about that?"

"Not everyone has someone to watch them like you do."

"You have a wife. Make her useful for something." Santana rolls her eyes and I sigh.

"Why do you hate her so much?" I ask curiously. I would really like to know what happened between them.

"What's to like?" She responds then eats more of her ice cream. I roll my eyes and sigh.

"Come on San, what did she do?" I ask. Santana shrugs.

"I…Quinn went behind my back to…fill a position I wanted. She stole an opportunity from me and she knew how I felt about the situation. Quinn knew I was devastated when I fucked up and didn't take the opportunity when I had the chance. I can't forgive her for it." She says. An opportunity? I don't remember San talking about any opportunity back in college.

"Well, I understand that's upsetting but why is it unforgivable?" I ask.

"Because it could have been life changing. I can't trust her so I don't want her in my life.

"So she can't make it up to you? Earn your trust back?" Santana shakes her head.

"Nope. Fuck her." Santana says.

I drop the subject after her last response. I can't blame Santana for being upset with Quinn because those are her feelings. Also, I know first hand how evil Quinn can be.

"So what are you doing tomorrow, or later today I should say?" I ask.

"Nothing unless you're available?" She as asks.

"Not doing anything with Adriana?" I ask.

"B is taking her to a birthday party." I nod.

"Well…I'm not sure. I'll let you know as the day goes on?" Santana nods her head.

"So, can I ask you something?" She asks and I nod my head.

"Yes?"

"What's with you and Quinn?" Huh? Where did that question come from?

"What do you mean?" I question.

"I mean, I have eyes Rachel. Somethings going on and you seem very unhappy." I sigh. I should have known Santana would notice something.

"We're just…going through a rough patch right now." I tell her.

"So, overall you're happy?"

"Santana…I appreciate the concern but we're working through it." I tell her. Santana crosses her arms and leans towards me, putting her elbows on the table.

"Bullshit Rachel. There's something you aren't telling me. I'm only asking because I want to make sure that you are okay. I'll kick Quinn's ass if need be." She says and I chuckle slightly. Violence is still one way Santana shows that she cares.

"That's sweet San but I'll…I'll be alright." Santana sighs.

"You know if you need to talk, cry, vent, or whatever, I'm here for you? Things get bad…my door is always open." She says and I smile softly at her.

"I know San."

"You could do a lot better than her." Santana says and I shake my head.

"I'm lucky to have what I do." I tell her and she looks baffled I even uttered those words.

"Lucky? Lucky my ass. That waste of space is lucky to have you in her life. You deserve more than what Quinn could ever give you." I shake my head.

"No, I really don't. Why would I deserve anything more?"

"Well, we'll start with how amazing of a mother you are. You have two kids and my kid 5 days out of the week and that house is always spotless and you care for all of them effortlessly. You are still one of the most brilliant, talented, beautiful people I have ever met. That answer your question?" Santana says and I can't help but blush. Does she really see me this way? How could she? She's just saying this to be a good friend.

"Thanks Santana but- "

"There is no but. Everything I said was true so don't even try to argue. Rachel, you are amazing, and you may not be able to see it but I do." She says and I nod my head.

Santana and I continue to talk for a bit more then she takes me back home. I enjoyed myself so much tonight and I'm glad Santana decided to kidnap me. I sneak back into bed and go to sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

**Santana's P.O.V.**

I had a feeling Rachel's self-esteem was shit but I didn't think it was that low. Why the hell does she think so little of herself? Hell, Rachel puts my parenting to shame. Not to mention she is truly just a good person overall. Rachel cares so much about other people, I just…how could she possibly not give herself this credit?

I can tell Rachel had a really good time with me yesterday and that's all that matters. I won't bother her today though. I'm not sure if she has anything particular planned to do, but she may just want to spend time with her family. I would have gone to the birthday party with Brittany but it's one of her friends kids party. I hate this friend in particular. It's like she can't get over the fact that Brittany and I have a child together but we aren't together. It makes her feel like she's somehow better than us because she's still married. It's annoying as all hell.

I go on my morning jog, though it's not technically morning anymore, since I didn't go to bed until at least 3 a.m. I jog to my favorite coffee shop and grab my regular then have a seat. I scroll through my phone as I sip my coffee and to my surprise, I see a very pretty Brunette making her towards me. The girl is tall and slender but I her chocolate eyes, deep dimples and amazing cheekbones pull me. Once she really closes the distance between us, she smiles at me and waves albeit awkwardly, she's still really cute.

"Hey. How are you?" She asks with a shy smile on her lips.

"I'm good. And yourself?"

"Better than usual." Her smile grows and she reaches a hand towards me.

"I'm Tori." I put my phone down and take her hand.

"Santana." I say as we shake.

"Is it okay if I sit down?" She asks and I shrug my shoulders.

"I'm not disturbing you am I?" She asks and I shake my head.

"If you were, I'd tell you to get lost. I'm in a good mood today so I'll welcome the company." I say to her.

"Well, I'm going to be honest with you Santana. I didn't come over here to make a new friend." She says.

"Then what were your intentions?" I ask with my left eyebrow lifted.

"Well I was hoping you _may_ be single and _may_ be into me enough to consider letting me take you out." She says and I smirk. I can tell she's pretty nervous. It's cute.

"You don't do this often do you?" I ask and she lets out a nervous laugh.

"That obvious huh?" I nod my head and chuckle lightly.

"At least you had the courage to do it. How about you finish your coffee with me and I let you know the verdict by the end of it?" I tell her and she nods her head.

"Sounds like a plan." Tori smiles at me and I get this...warm feeling in my chest. A feeling I haven't felt in a really long time.

The more Tori spoke, the more I got lost in her eyes. I would be lying if I said I wasn't attracted to her…very, _very_ attracted to her. I really like her voice too, it's like so smooth...like velvet. I can't explain it but she has me interested. Tori lives fairly close to me but I've never seen her. When I told her about Adriana, she tells me she loves kids and wants some, but she doesn't have any right now. The thought of having more kids passes my mind and I'd love to give Adriana a brother or sister.

I hadn't noticed how long we'd been talking until my phone began to ring. I've been here almost an hour and a half. Tori is in the middle of a story when I see it's Rachel.

"Sorry to interrupt but I have to take this." Tori nods.

"No problem." She says as I stand from my seat.

"I'll be right back." I go outside the coffee shop and answer along the way.

"What's up Rach?" I answer.

"Hello Santana, what are you up to?" She asks.

"Nothing much. What about you?" I ask.

"Same. I was wondering if you'd be interested in seeing a movie with me?" She asks.

"Of course. When?" I ask.

"Just some time today if you would like."

"Definitely. Once I get home, I'll call you okay?"

"Okay, see you later." She says then I say my goodbye and we end the call.

I go back inside and sit with Tori once more. We continue to talk and exchange numbers before I leave. I didn't expect to be as interested in her as I seem to be but maybe this isn't such a bad thing. I go back home and shower then head over to Rachel's.

We get to the movie theater and sit outside near the concession stand because we got here a little early.

"Who do you keep texting?" Rachel asks from the other side of me.

"Huh? Oh, uh this girl I met." I tell her.

"So that's why you're blushing like a school girl. Someone has a crush." Rachel says teasingly, and I roll my eyes.

"Who is she?" She asks.

"Her name is Tori." I tell her as I put my phone away.

"Mhm. You know I've been meaning to ask you, why aren't you dating anyone?" Rachel asks.

Why am I not dating? Seriously?! Because I can't get over you! I get stuck in a fucking vice every time I look in your eyes and it's like no one else matters! Nothing else matters when I'm with you! That's why I'm still single damn it…Ugh...

"Just haven't found anyone worth the time." I tell her.

"Well she seems to be." I roll my eyes at her playful tone and sigh.

"Can we talk about something other than my dating life?" I ask and Rachel giggles.

"Fine." Rachel says then changes the subject.

We go watch our movie and I take Rachel to get some food afterwards. I knew this place close enough that sells vegan and vegetarian options so that's where we went. After that, I drop Rachel off at home and I go back to my place.

 **Rachel's P.O.V.**

Santana is really cute when she has a crush on someone. I'm happy for her. Santana deserves to have someone good in her life who will love her and make her happy. I hope this Tori girl is worthy of Santana because if Santana pursues this, I want her to be treated right. It honestly amazes me that Santana has been single this long…

I've been thinking, after speaking with Santana about the reason she doesn't like Quinn anymore…something feels off. I feel like there's something she isn't telling me but why not just tell me? Maybe she just didn't want me to try to fix things between them. I wouldn't intervene anyway because Santana doesn't need Quinn in her life. I'm not sure anyone _needs_ Quinn in their life.

When I walk inside my home, Quinn and the kids are in the kitchen eating dinner. Quinn doesn't seem to mind that I'm spending time with Santana but I'm sure that is only because she is Santana. If it were anyone else, Quinn would be very angry. My kids eagerly greet me and Quinn says hello to me. I respond then begin to wash the dishes. After dinner, Quinn bathes the kids and gets them ready for bed while I continue to clean the remainder of the house.

After I finish cleaning, I go upstairs to my bedroom and take a shower. I put my pajamas on and get in bed next to Quinn who is now watching TV.

"How was your day with Santana?" She asks me. Quinn hasn't taken her eyes off the TV.

"It was fine. Nothing special." Quinn nods her head.

"How's Santana?"

"She's fine. I believe she may be dating someone now." I tell her.

"Really? I guess that's nice." Quinn says. I only respond with a head nod.

"I'm horny." She says and I feel my stomach turn.

This is just another aspect of my relationship that I hate. I don't have the ability or privilege to say no to her. I internally sigh and begin to remove my pajamas. Once I'm undressed, Quinn climbs on top of me and begins to kiss me. I always feel like my body betrays me in these situations. I am able to become aroused physically from the stimulation but…I don't want the relations. I don't want to engage in any of this. I just want to be left alone.

Quinn rids herself of her pants and I feel her enter me. My mind starts to drift, as it always does. I wish I weren't here. I wish I could stop this. I wish she would just leave me alone. I wish Santana were here…


	8. Chapter 8

**Santana's P.O.V.**

Rachel has been super distant these last couple weeks. I'm not sure what's up with her and she won't open up to me. The most I can get her to say is that she misses her fathers but I know damn well that's not what's bothering her. I think she and Quinn are arguing again or she's stressed and that's the last thing she needs when she's pregnant. I just hope she's okay, luckily we're going to the water park Saturday so maybe she'll lighten up.

"San?" Brittany says from her seat across from me. We decided to have a family dinner today so we took Adriana to get some pizza.

"Yeah B?" I answer.

"Are you even on Earth right now?" She asks and I chuckle.

"Yeah B. I just spaced a little bit." I tell her. I look over to Adriana who is so focused on coloring, I doubt she hears anything around her.

"So you never told me about what's going on with you and this new girl." Brittany says before she takes a sip of her water.

"Not too much to tell B. We've just been talking for these past two weeks." I tell her.

"So you still haven't been out on a date?" Britt asks.

"No. I mean…I told her I might not be something she wants to pursue." Brittany gives me a confused look.

"Why not?" She asks. I sigh and shake my head.

"I'm just not ready." I tell her.

"San, it's been years. You can't keep your life paused because of Rachel. She's living hers why can't you do the same?" Brittany says and I sigh deeply.

"It's not like I'm hoping she'll fall deeply in love with me and leave Quinn." At least I'm not anymore.

"Yeah, but what are you waiting for San?" How about for this conversation to end?

"Nothing."

"Give this girl a chance at least. I want you to be happy San but it's like you don't want to." I roll my eyes.

"Just try with her? She might be good for you. From what you told me, she sounds nice. Ask her out."

"If I do, will you drop it?" Brittany nods and I pull my phone out to text Tori.

"Fine, now eat your pizza." I tell Brittany.

"Does something seem weird with Quinn and Rachel to you?" Brittany asks me. So she sees it too?

"Yeah, I asked Rachel about it and she said they're just going through a rough patch right now." I tell her.

"Well…I saw something…" Brittany says and I furrow my eyebrows.

"You know how I always seem to run into Quinn? Well, I saw her with some girl and they…they looked like they liked each other more than they should." What?

"You think Quinn is cheating on Rachel?" I ask. Brittany nods her head.

"I'm not sure so I didn't say anything. You can't say anything either. They didn't kiss or anything, but the other girl was just...handsy. I don't know her, so she might just be like that. Rachel might know the girl." Brittany says and I nod my head.

It could honestly be a friend of Quinn's. You can't assume that she's cheating on her wife when you didn't really see anything incriminating. Though, if she is cheating and Rachel just found out, it would explain why she has been so distant lately. I hope Quinn wouldn't be that fucking stupid, because I'll kill her.

After dinner, Adriana and I went back to my place. As I lie in bed, I can't help but think about what Brittany said. Maybe I really should give Tori a chance. I mean, Rachel is married and as much as I hate that…I can't do anything about it. If she wants Quinn…I have to _truly_ accept that. I also have to accept that just because I can't have Rachel…doesn't mean that I won't be happy. It doesn't mean I can't have a loving relationship with someone else but in order to do that, I truly have to let Rachel go…I'm not sure I'm ready for that.

 _ **Saturday**_

 **Rachel's P.O.V.**

I feel like I haven't seen Santana in months, though in reality it's only a few weeks. Sometimes I wish she'd never leave…luckily today is the day we really get to spend time with each other. I quite enjoy water parks but I'm not so sure I will be able to enjoy everything available to me since I am with child. This pregnancy feels…different for some odd reason. I somehow keep forgetting I'm pregnant many days and I am unsure if that is a good or bad thing.

Santana convinced me not to book a room for my family and insisted we stay with her and Adriana. I didn't oppose the idea because I'm sure we'd be spending most of our time in one room anyway. I appreciate all the things Santana has been doing for me lately, though I have a feeling there may be something behind Santana's motive. I'm only assuming of course, but I feel like Santana may have romantic feelings towards me. As flattering as that is, I don't see how she could possibly feel anything for me.

My feelings towards Santana are…complicated. As much as I would love to deny my attraction towards her, I cant…but I have to try. What is feel for Santana is more than physical and that's what worries me. I am married. It may not be a perfect marriage by any means, or even a very functional one but I vowed to be with this woman. In a different life, I'd be with Santana. We'd have a beautiful family and we'd live a happy life…but in this life, I got the short end of the stick and I have to live with it.

"Rach!" Santana says and I turn my head towards her. Santana took too long to change into her bathing suit for the children so I took them to play in the water while we waited for Santana. I'm sitting at a table near the kiddie pool the kids are in. Santana is walking over to me and I feel like I've left my body when I finally take in…all of Santana. Santana is wearing a red bikini with a gold link chain along her hips and one larger hoop between her breasts. My eyes rake along her caramel skin and my heart rate speeds up. Why didn't Santana become a model? Her body is amazing. I feel my mouth open slightly and I close it quickly as Santana approaches me. The smirk she gives, sends chills down my spine and I look away from her, trying to conceal my blush.

"You know, for a pregnant woman, you're pulling off that two piece." Santana winks at me and I blush more. I hadn't invested in a new swim suit recently so I decided to wear my black and white stripped two piece. My stomach still isn't very large but I would say I am beginning to show. Santana sits in the chair next to me and looks at me with the smallest smile on her lips. Santana's eyes boring into mine causes my breath to hitch and I look away to collect my thoughts before speaking.

"Thank you. You look nice as well." I say and Santana scoffs.

"We both know I'm hot as hell, especially for a mom." A smile tugs at the corner of her lips and I chuckle lightly. She is right…but I won't tell her that.

"You guys could have waited you know." She says.

"Children have no patience San." Santana nods.

"I was actually surprised you still showed up. You kind of disappeared on me for a little while." Santana says.

"Yes, I was busy and just hadn't had the time to speak with you. I'm sorry." I tell her and she shakes her head.

"I'm banning that phrase from your damn vocabulary. I just wanted to make sure you were okay." I nod my head and she looks over her shoulder to look at the kids swimming.

I know I shouldn't but I can't help but stare at Santana…I need a distraction. I haven't felt any...attraction in so long. It almost felt foreign.

"Are you going to get in the water with children?" I ask while trying not to focus on her lips while she responds.

"Yeah but not yet. Where the hell can I get a drink from in this place? They have to sell booze right?" Santana squints at me in confusion and her nose crinkles in the most adorable way.

"I'm sure there is a bar somewhere around here." I tell her and she huffs then turns her body towards me.

"So, is there anything in particular you would like to talk about Rachel?" She asks me. I'm not sure why she asked me this question. I shake my head in response.

"Why would there be? Is there anything in particular you would like to speak about Santana?" I ask and a smile graces her lips.

"Actually,yes and I'm so glad you asked Rachel." Santana crosses her legs then places her hands above her knee.

"I'd like to talk about..." She trails off.

"About?" I urge her to continue.

"About...the fact that I have a date." A date? Santana is actually going on a date?

"That's great San. Is it with that woman we spoke about before?" I ask, trying to muster the most genuine smile I can.

In all actuality, the thought of Santana dating evokes feelings inside me I wish I didn't have but I don't want Santana to feel as though I am not happy for her as a friend. I am happy...maybe not happy...I'm not sure what word fits this situation but I know Santana deserves happiness and I will try to be happy that she is receiving it from someone other than me.

"Yeah, I figured it's about time to really get out there and date. I want someone I can continue growing my family with, you know?" I nod my head. I'd love to have more children. As an only child, I always longed for a larger family...why am I thinking about that?

"Well maybe this will play in your favor." I tell her and she nods.

Santana and I talk for a while longer before getting in the pool with the kids. After we take them to get some food and then back to the hotel room to shower and wind down. Currently they are watching _Frozen_ and lying in bed. Santana and I are in the bed adjacent to them. Santana is lying on her stomach at the foot of the bed facing the television and I am sitting on the other side near the head of the bed.

"Well I'm pretty sure Ava is now out like a light. That makes 3 so now I can watch something that isn't going to sing to me." Santana says as she sits up and grabs the remote from the center of the bed.

"I quite enjoy this movie." I tell her.

"That doesn't surprise me estrella." Santana says and I start to feel my cheeks burn from the use of the old nickname. Santana hasn't called me that since college. Santana always said she called me that because I was star in her eyes but I think she only wanted to flatter me.

"Are you blushing?" Santana asks with a smirk and I shake my head.

"I just can't believe you called me that or at the very least still remembered that nickname." I tell her.

"You never stopped being my star." She says which only deepens my blush. Why can't I make this stop?

"It's very amusing how you try to be such a, for lack of a better word, bitch or badass but you're the biggest sweetheart I've ever met." I tell her and she chuckles.

"Only select people get to experience that part of Santana, but I'm definitely 100 percent a badass through and through." She says and I shake my head.

"If it helps you sleep at night." I tell her and she chuckles quietly.

"Anyway, I hate to break it to you but we're sharing a bed. I figured we'd be with our respective kids but I don't feel like dealing with 2 tired children when I could just lie here and go to sleep." Santana says. I look over to the kids and I have to agree with her. Ava sleeps like a brick and when you wake Leo he gets very cranky and is hard to put back to sleep.

"I don't object to this plan." I tell her.

"Cool. I'll sleep down here. Just don't kick me in the face." She says and I chuckle.

"Santana, we're both adults. I'm sure we can share a bed. You can lie up here next to me." I tell her as I lie down. Santana shrugs and comes to lie next to me at the head of the bed after turning off the lights in the room. We aren't close since the bed is king sized but we are both lying on our backs facing the ceiling. I close my eyes and being to drift to sleep when I hear Santana call my name.

"Yes?" I answer.

"I want to ask you a question but I don't want shit to get awkward or anything." She whispers.

"What is it?" I ask.

"If I hadn't been such an idiot when we were younger, do you think we would have worked out?" She says. I turn my head to look at her but her gaze remains towards the ceiling. I don't know what to say to her. I didn't know that was something she thought about. I sigh deeply but I don't respond.

"Nevermind." Santana says after a few moments of silence then turns on her side facing away from me. I shake my head look at the ceiling once more.

"Yes..." I whisper into the darkness but I get no response in return.


	9. Chapter 9

**Santana's P.O.V.**

I know it was stupid to ask Rachel if she thought we had a chance at working out. There wasn't even a point because the past is the past...but I just had to know. I had to know that I had no shot in hell with her but her response was unexpected. I thought she'd say something along the lines of who knows? Or just plain no...but she said yes. Rachel actually said yes. Y.E.S. and now...now I wish I would have just kept my mouth shut.

"Earth to Santana?" Tori waves her hand in front of my face and I shake myself from my thoughts. We're on our fifth date now and it's been going very well. We have been seeing a lot of each other lately. We're currently taking a walk through the park. I look at Tori, shaking myself from my thoughts and offer her a soft smile.

"Sorry." Tori smiles at me and takes my hand as we walk.

"Anything you want to talk about?" She asks and I shake my head as I interlace our fingers.

"It's nothing major." I tell her and it satisfies her enough for her to nod.

"Okay. Well I was saying maybe we can grab some ice cream." I begin to nod my head when I hear my phone begin to ring. I pull it out of my pocket and see that it's Brittany. I'm not sure why she's calling so late.

"Hello." I answer.

"Hey San." She responds.

"What's up B?" I ask. Tori looks at me as we stop walking.

"Adriana isn't feeling too well. She has a fever but I gave her some medicine and it's gone down. She wants you here." Brittany says which causes me to sigh. The joys of parenthood.

"Tell her I'll be there as soon as possible okay?"

"Okay, I'll let her know. See you soon." Brittany says then ends the call. I look at Tori and she's already giving me a sympathetic smile.

"Adriana?" She asks and I nod my head.

"Fever." Tori nods.

"And wants you by her side?" I nod my head in response.

"Well, I can't blame her. That smile would make me feel 100 percent again too." Tori says as she takes my hand again.

"I'm sorry." I tell her and she shakes her head.

"Nothing to be sorry about. I hope she feels better." Tori hugs me and rests her head on my shoulder so I hold her close. I feel her lift her head and then her breath against my ear.

"Let me know when you get there." She then kisses my cheek and walks off.

I head back to my car then straight to Britt's place. When I get there, Adriana is fast asleep as I expected. Brittany has poured us both a glass of wine and we're sitting on her couch.

"I know she didn't feel well earlier but she didn't have a cough or anything." I tell Brittany.

"I just thought she had a stomach ache. That's what she told me anyway." I continue.

"It probably was just beginning." Brittany says as I sip my wine.

"Were you busy when I called?" She asks and I shrug.

"Just on a date." Brittany gasps and turns towards me.

"Why didn't you tell me?! I would've told Ana you couldn't make it." I shake my head.

"We both know I'd be here anyway." I say and Brittany nods.

"Yeah, well I could have waited a little longer. We both knew she would be asleep by the time you got here." I nod.

"It's fine. Tori was really understanding." Brittany smiles.

"Good. You should make it up to her with a romantic dinner or something." She says and I sigh and rest my head on the back of the couch.

"What's wrong?" Brittany asks as she sits her glass down.

"Everything...nothing...I don't know." I tell her. I feel Brittany slide her arm behind my neck and grip my shoulder then pull me until my head is resting on her shoulder.

"Is it Rachel?" She asks and I sigh deeply.

"I thought you were trying to move on."

"I am but it's hard. I asked her if she thought we'd still be together if I wasn't so afraid in college." I tell her.

"What did she say?" Brittany asks.

"She said...yes..." I don't know what overcomes me but I can't hold back my tears. I find myself bawling in Brittany's arms like a child and I just want it to stop. I want to stop yearning for someone I just can't have. I want to stop loving her, but I...I just can't.

 **Rachel's P.O.V.**

I haven't seen Britt or Santana in a few days due to Adriana getting sick. The last time I talked to Brittany, she told me that Adriana was doing better and that the doctor said she wasn't' contagious anymore so I should be seeing her soon. I haven't talked to Santana since we've come back from the water park last week. I'm not sure if she's busy or just ignoring me but I have a feeling it has something to do with the conversation we had. I shouldn't have said yes. I shouldn't have answered. If I suspected Santana had feelings for me, I shouldn't have said anything that could possibly make her feel...make her think there could be anything between us. I don't want her feelings anymore involved than they already are so I will just have to tell her that. I don't want anyone's feelings to be hurt so that's why I invited Santana over to talk. Quinn is at work right now and the kids are playing in their rooms. I just finished the few dishes in the sink when I hear the bell ring. I open the door to see Santana standing there and her sweet and spicy aroma invade my senses and I have to inhale deeply to retain the energy to stand upright. I'm not sure when I lost the ability to restrain my attraction towards Santana but I have to regain it.

"Hey Rach." She says but it doesn't sound the same. It doesn't have the warmth it usually does... Somethings wrong.

"Hey San. Thanks for coming." I greet her warmly and move aside so that she can come inside. Santana walks over to the couch and sits down. I sit beside her and she crosses her legs and arms.

"What did you want to talk about?" She asks dryly. I wonder what's bothering her.

"Are you okay?" I ask and she shrugs her shoulders.

"I have somewhere else to be Rachel."

"I...uh I'm sorry. You can go if you need to." I say to her nervously. I run my hands up and down my legs, smoothing the material to try to calm myself.

"I-I-I'm sorry to waste your time." I say. I try to stand but I feel a hand on my wrist and I instinctively jump. Quinn hates when I do that.

"Sorr-"

"Rachel! Stop apologizing." Santana says as she stands. Santana isn't much taller than me but right now I feel like she's towering over me and I feel that familiar panic in my chest.

"I-I-I" I stammer out and I jump when I feel Santana's arms wrap around me. She pulls me as close to her as possible and as much as I want to return the hug...I can't move my hands.

"You're shaking." She says as she rests her chin atop my head. I close my eyes and let her hold me.

"Breathe for me okay? In through your nose, out through your mouth. Do it with me okay?" Santana says then begins to breathe in the way she previously instructed. I try to follow her lead but I'm struggling. I feel Santana's grip tighten and I'm impossibly close to her.

"In and out." She whispers in my ear and I close my eyes and follow the rise and fall of her chest. I'm not sure how long we stood there, how long she held me, or when I sat down on the couch but I'm sure I'm sitting next to her with a cup of tea she made for me in my hands. Santana has her arm wrapped around my shoulder and her right hand is holding mine, which isn't holding the cup.

"Santana I-"

"Rachel if you say you're sorry one more time, I will never speak to you again." Santana interrupts. I sigh and close my mouth.

"Now, what was that all about? You almost had an anxiety attack. I know I make people nervous but you should be use to it by now." She says jokingly and I can't help but smile slightly.

"And she's back. Now tell me what's going on." I sigh and she squeezes my hand.

"I'm just...I didn't want to waste your time." I tell her and she shakes her head.

"You couldn't. Are you okay now?" She asks and I slowly nod. I'm okay as I can be.

"Thanks." I tell her and she shrugs.

"Don't mention it." She responds.

"I...wanted to talk to you about what I said back at the hotel...I don't want you to think..." I trail off and sigh.

"I know Rachel. You don't want to give me the wrong idea because you're married. I get it. I know I wasn't exactly...subtle with my attraction towards you." Santana says and I nod.

"I don't want things to change between us. I like spending time with you. I love having you in my life. I don't want that to end." I tell her. Santana gives me a sad smile and sighs.

"It won't. You're still my friend and that won't change. We'll still hang out, the Devil himself couldn't keep me from you. Hell, nothing on this earth could." I nod and Santana stands up.

"I really do have to go. I'm meeting Tori, she has some surprise for me. I'll text you okay?" Santana says as she walks towards the door. I nod my head and she leaves.

I feel worse than I did before...like she's been torn from my life again. Santana won't abandon me, I know that but I just don't feel like things will be the same anymore.

 **Santana's P.O.V.**

Well as much as that sucked, it needed to be done. Rachel and I truly needed to acknowledge what was going on between us. The flirting was mutual and I think that's what messed me up emotionally. It...almost gave me a false hope that maybe...I'm not even sure what it made me think. I guess...I thought maybe she'd want to pursue something but I should have known better. Rachel is married and I know she wouldn't leave Quinn for me. I'll just have to focus on continuing to move forward with Tori and getting over her. I will have to spend less time with her but I haven't changed my original objective. Rachel is unhappy and I'm not sure if it's the pregnancy or not but she definitely has some form of anxiety. As her friend, I want to help her as much as possible and if that means I have to light a fire under Quinn's ass, I will.


	10. Chapter 10

**Santana's P.O.V.**

What happened last week with Rachel...something just isn't sitting right with me after that. Rachel...she shut down in that moment. I couldn't get her to look at me, she was as pale as a ghost and she trembled as if she were afraid of me. As a nurse, we're trained to see the signs of abuse so that we can be advocates for our patients when they can't help themselves. I can't do anything until I have proof but right now, all I have is speculation. If Quinn has so much as touched Rachel the wrong way, I will kick her ass. I may have picked up Kickboxing as a way to stay fit but I will use my skills on her head if needed.

Rachel and I have barely talked since last week. We've gone from texting everyday to one text saying I'm coming to get Adriana. It's been a pretty rough week to say the least. I try to talk to Rachel but she just won't engage the conversation. All of this has lead me to where I am right now. I'm leaning against Quinn's white Mercedes, waiting for her to get off. From my peripheral view, I see a petite blonde walking towards me. I turn to look at Quinn and she smiles at me. I try to contain the rage in my body that comes naturally from being around her. Quinn's appearance has definitely changed over the years. Quinn's face is littered with premature wrinkles and the bags under her eyes should just be illegal. Honestly, how does anyone find her attractive?

"Santana? To what do I owe the pleasure?" She asks as she approaches me. I fold my arms across my chest and clench my jaw before talking.

"Unlock the doors." I say and I hear the chirp of the car door locks. I walk to the passenger side as Quinn puts her brief case in the backseat. Then she gets inside to sit in the drivers seat.

"You're not going to kill me are you?" She asks as she straightens her blazer. I roll my eyes.

"Depends on how the conversation goes." Quinn chuckles and my face remains emotionless.

"Alright, what's up S?" She asks.

"That's what I would love to know. Rachel...she seems a little off, wouldn't you say?" I ask.

"Rachel has always been a little off. Want to be more specific?" She responds.

"How about the fact that she's afraid to...breathe. That specific enough for you?" Quinn's face changes from one of delight and engagement to one of annoyance with a hint of anger.

"Well apparently you two aren't as close as you would like to be." I don't respond so she continues.

"Rachel has had post partum depression ever since we had Leo. I've told her to get help but she just won't. I guess it makes her anxious? I don't know. Rachel doesn't really talk to me anymore." She says.

Post partum...I'm not sure I'm buying that...but then again...

"Have you tried getting her to talk to a doctor?" I ask.

"I've tried everything San. I just don't know what to do anymore." She says and I shake my head.

"You can try to be there for her. When the fuck are you ever home? Rachel didn't have those kids on her own. Why don't you get off your lazy ass and cook a fucking meal, clean, buy her some god damn flowers! Take her out of that fucking house! What kind of wife are you?! You have one fucking job and it's to make her happy!" I can't contain my anger anymore. After all my shouting Quinn stares at me with this stupid smirk on her face.

"What the fuck are you staring at?!" I yell.

"You still want her don't you?" Quinn says and it only adds fuel to the fire.

"By all means, take her." Quinn continues.

"Please take the whiny, needy, whore off my hands. Rachel can't do the most simple things like change a light bulb let alone be a mother. You think she's so fucking perfect because you're so blinded by your own love that you can't see that Rachel isn't even better than scum on the bottom of my shoe." I lose it.

Before I know it my hand is around Quinn's neck and her head is against the window. Quinn's hands fly to my arm but it only makes me tighten my grip. Quinn is struggling to breathe but she's getting some air so I don't loosen my grip.

"If you _ever_ say anything like that about Rachel ever again. I will fucking kill you." I say to her. I look in her eyes and I see a mix of anger, hurt and something else I just can't pin point. Quinn's eyes start to flutter shut so I let her go. Quinn coughs and gasps for air as I return to my seat and I look at her.

"Are you fucking crazy?!" She yells after she catches her breath.

"I'll have you locked up!" I chuckle at this comment.

"We both know, you're not dumb enough to do that. It's not like you haven't had it coming since college anyway." I say. Quinn stops rubbing her neck and looks at me.

"You're still mad I'm with Rachel?" She asks.

"I'm mad because you stole her from me. You knew I loved her!" I shout.

"It's not my fault she chose me Santana! Why can't you get over her?" She asks.

"I am..." I lie.

"But I won't allow you to treat her like shit. Like she's not a human being and she doesn't deserve to be happy."

"And what makes you think she's so nice to me? Hm? You never thought maybe I'm not treated the way I should be treated?" I roll my eyes.

"Classic Quinn. I'm not the villain, I'm the victim! Save it for someone who doesn't know who you really are. If you say a word about any of this to Rachel, our next visit won't be as pleasant." I get out of the car but before I shut the door I lean in to say.

"Your wife is pregnant with your child. Buy her some fucking flowers!" I slam the door and begin my walk back to my car.

Quinn just confirmed everything I suspected. There's no way she isn't verbally abusing Rachel at the least. Rachel isn't as fearful of human touch as she is because of fucking post partum. That's bullshit and Quinn is such a liar, Rachel probably doesn't even have it. I get in my car and drive over to Rachel's. I know I just fucked up with Quinn but I won't let her take it out on Rachel. Not today. I knock on the door and Rachel answers as expected. I greet her with a smile and she smiles back though it doesn't reach her eyes. Rachel looks like a sad puppy and all I want to do is hug and kiss her until she's happy again. I know I'm supposed to be taking my space from her but my feelings will have to be put aside right now. I need to be there for her as a friend right now.

"What are you doing here Santana?" She asks.

"What do you say about a sleepover at my house?" I ask. Rachel lets me inside and answers as she closes the door.

"Sure, just give me a minute to get the kids clothes packed."

"Actually, I meant just you and I." Rachel looks at me confused.

"I know...things are a little awkward between us right now but I want to fix it. Just let me be a good friend." I say and Rachel begins to shake her head.

"No is not an option. Go upstairs. Pack for the weekend and let's go. I took care of everything already. The kids are going to be with Quinn and she already knows we're leaving." I tell her. I may have lied but Quinn will find out in a second. Rachel looks at me with uncertainty and I halfheartedly roll my eyes.

"Any day now Rachel." I tell her. Rachel nervously plays with her fingers and bites her lip.

"Are you sure? I don't want to -"

"I took care of everything Rachel. Just go pack before I do it for you." Rachel chuckles slightly and goes upstairs. After I'm sure she's upstairs I step outside and call Quinn. I'm surprised she even answered.

"I'm taking Rachel for the weekend so don't take your time getting here." I say. For a short while there's silence on the other end of the phone before I hear Quinn respond.

"...Okay..." She says and I hang up the phone.

Rachel comes back down some time later and we wait a little longer for Quinn to come home. Rachel and I say goodbye to the kids and I drive to my house so that she can go inside and get settled before I take her to dinner. At dinner Rachel is visibly more relaxed and that makes me happy. I sit across from her as she takes a bite of her vegan potato thing and moans at the taste. Not going to lie, I almost choked on my wine after hearing that heavenly sound. I shake my thoughts of what I would love to do to her on this table and clear my throat.

"I still don't get how you can just eat...plants. Who actually finds that appetizing?" I ask and Rachel chuckles.

"It's not as bad as you think. Want to taste it?" She asks and I shake my head.

"Hell no. I'm very satisfied with chicken over here."

"Oh come on San. I know you like potatoes. It's mostly just that and an array of spices." Rachel says and I shake my head again.

"Come on, just try it." She says again and I sigh in defeat.

"Fine." Rachel holds the fork out towards me with the potato and I lean over and take the bite.

"So?" Rachel says and looks at me expectantly.

"It's fine, I guess." I say with a shrug and Rachel chuckles with a shake of her head.

"It's better than eating a defenseless slaughtered animal. Do you know what the probably did to that chicken you're eating?" She asks.

"No and you will not ruin my meal by telling me. You're sure you're okay with me eating this in front of you?" I ask and Rachel nods.

"My entire family eats meat Santana. I'm fine with it." She says.

"So you cook the meat but don't eat it?" I ask and I can visibly see Rachel shoulders tense.

"I'm...not...I don't always practice as a true vegan anymore." She says quietly and I feel her retreating into herself. Does she feel guilty about it? I shouldn't' have brought it up. I'm very surprised because Rachel always felt so strongly about her beliefs. After having conversations about it, her beliefs haven't changed so why did she break her veganism?

"Well maybe a seaweed wrap would make you feel better about it." I say to her.

"I don't think I need anymore food Santana." She says and I chuckle.

"I meant like at a spa. That's what were doing tomorrow." I tell her and she looks at me in disbelief.

"Santana -"

"Rachel the only thing that you can say is thank you. If you want to anyway, but don't say I don't have to do that because I'm not doing anything because I have to." Rachel exhales deeply and nods her head.

"Okay, thank you." She smiles at me and it feels genuine.

"You're welcome. Now, how much longer is that bun going to be in the oven? I need a drinking buddy." Rachel chuckles and for the rest of the night we just talk and enjoy each others company.

 **Rachel's P.O.V.**

I can't believe how amazing of a time I had just going to dinner. Santana is too nice to me, she even gave me her bed but I'm sure that's just because I am pregnant. I am surprised Quinn was absolutely fine with this but Quinn does have a soft spot for Santana. The only people she seems to care about are the kids and Santana. I guess I'm going to give up fighting Santana on paying for anything or telling her she doesn't have to do the things she does. I'm just going to enjoy the weekend with her. I know things have been weird between us but Santana is putting in the effort to continue our friendship so I will too.


	11. Chapter 11

**Rachel's P.O.V.**

I have no idea what Santana has planned for this weekend and that makes me feel so anxious though I know I shouldn't be. Waking up in Santana's bed does offer me some comfort. The sheets smell like her . I hug my pillow close and open my eyes. I can't help but feel safe in her presence. I look at my phone for the time and I see it's 10:20 a.m. I haven't slept this long in years. I get out of bed and head to the bathroom. Once I'm finished I go out to the kitchen and find Santana sitting at the table with a cup of coffee in hand and a plate of pancakes and bacon in front of her. Next to her is another plate with what I assume is the vegan version of what she has made herself. Santana looks up at me with a smile as I walk towards her.

"Morning. I made some weird buckwheat pancake thing with fake bacon for you." She says and I laugh so hard I snort which causes her to laugh.

"I'm sorry but the way you describe vegan foods are never going to stop being funny. You just make it sound so appetizing." I say and she shrugs.

"I have no idea if it tastes bad or not so feel free to taste my experiment." She says and I shake my head as I take my seat.

"I appreciate the effort nonetheless." I grab a knife and fork and cut the pancake along with the apple and make sure my first bite includes all of the elements including the walnuts. I can't help the moan that escapes my lips as I savor all the flavors.

"I'll take that as a compliment." I giggle and nod my head.

"You should. These are amazing." Santana winks.

"I know."

"I know you like to cook but I wouldn't have thought you'd be so good at it." I say playfully and Santana chuckles.

"I don't take up anything and fail at it." I roll my eye playfully and Santana nudges me with her elbow lightly.

"So what's the plan for today?" I ask and Santana just shrugs.

"It's a surprise. After we're done here we can get out of here." I nod and we continue eating our breakfast.

After showering, Santana drives us to a spa and that's where the remainder of the day was spent. Santana made sure all of the treatments were safe for the baby and did mostly everything with me. Santana left at one point to give me some time alone and it was...eye opening. I realize that now it's okay to let someone in. Since reconnecting with Santana I haven't really given her the chance to be a friend to me because I was too afraid to let someone in. I knew that if I let someone in, they'd see what is really going on with me and judge me. I know that I have a lot of issues that I need to work out so maybe I'll finally take a step towards fixing that. I think I'm going to start seeing a therapist. I want to be better so that I can start to feel like myself again.

 **Santana's P.O.V.**

Rachel really seems to be enjoying herself so far. After we left the spa I took her to go see a play. It's nothing major just a little show they put on in the park. I figured Rachel would appreciate it and it seems like she did. We're back at my place now just watching movies. We've been taking turns picking movies so of course we're watching _Funny Girl_ , luckily it's ending though.

"My turn. I hope you're not queasy because we're watching _Saw_." I tell her.

"Of course you'd want to watch something extremely gory." I shrug and turn on the movie.

"Santana." Rachel say from her spot next to me on the couch. I look at her she takes the remote to pause the TV.

"What's up?" I ask.

"I just really wanted to thank you. Thank you for being my friend and caring about me." She says and I furrow my eyebrows.

"You don't have to thank me for that." I tell her and she shakes her head.

"I do because you've helped me in ways you don't even know. I won't get emotional because I know you hate that but...thanks." Rachel smiles at me and takes my hand. I squeeze her hand in return.

"You know...if you ever need anything, and I mean anything. You can always call me right? I'll always be here for you." I tell her and she nods.

"I know."

"I just need you to know that I'm here for you and Ava and Leo. If you ever want to come over and stay that would be fine too."

"Where is this coming from?" Rachel asks.

"I know you're not happy with Quinn and I know it's more to it than what you're saying but I won't pressure you into telling me." I shrug my shoulders.

"It's just... there's a lot Santana..." Rachel says quietly.

"I know and you don't owe me anything. I just want to make sure you're safe." Rachel looks at me with misty eyes and I sigh.

"Is this just hormones or did I make you sad?" I ask. Rachel doesn't respond she just envelops me in a hug. I hold her close until she pulls away.

"I'm not sad, just grateful." She says as she looks into my eyes.

"Alright enough mushy stuff. I'm ready to watch some human mutilation." I tell her and she rolls her eyes with a smile on her lips.

"Fine. I'm going to get more popcorn first though." Rachel then gets up and goes to refill the bowl.

We only watched one more movie after that because Rachel fell asleep with her head in my lap. I pick her up and take her to my bedroom before settling on the couch. Rachel is surprisingly light for a pregnant woman. I'm watching TV when I feel my phone vibrate. It's a text from Tori. I haven't talked to her too much in the last two days. I told her I was going to busy with Rachel this weekend. I'm only able to type out a quick response before I fall asleep.


	12. Chapter 12

**Rachel's P.O.V.**

I've been seeing a therapist for about 3 weeks now and honestly...it's already began to help. I've been able to talk about how I've been wanting to return to work and we've been working on some of my self esteem issues. It feels great to be able to speak to someone who can't voice any judgments. I've felt so good lately that I've recently applied for a position as a professor...I haven't told Quinn about that yet though. I've told Santana and Brittany about it just in case I get the job so that they know in advance and they were fine with it. I'm honestly terrified to tell Quinn about it. If I try to gain any kind of independence it will upset her but...this is my life. I can't keep letting Quinn control me. I want to be able to make my own decisions without the constant fear of being hurt. I've been reminded of how that feels when I'm with Santana. Sure, there are some things Santana persuades me to do but if I tell her no, then there's never an issue.

Ever since I spent the weekend with Santana, Quinn has been very...distant. I'm not sure how to describe it. Quinn has been calmer when engaging me and it's odd. I know she won't physically hurt me but that has never stopped her verbal assault. We've just been going through our days barely talking, even when she drinks she hasn't bothered me. I'm happy that she isn't bothering me so I won't question it too much but it does make me anxious. It feels like it's the quiet before the storm and I'm not looking forward to the storm. I can only assume she's behaving this way because I'm pregnant but I can't be sure.

I'm about 5 months pregnant now and everything seems to be okay. I still don't know the sex of the baby but I want it to be a surprise anyway. Quinn hasn't been to any doctors appointments with me so I don't think she cares too much. Recently I've began singing again around the house...Quinn made me stop years ago so I only did when I had a moment alone but the other day I began singing, forgetting she was home and she didn't comment on it.

I'm currently cooking dinner and the kids are outside playing with Quinn. Since it's October now, the kids are trying to enjoy the weather before winter approaches. Halloween is in a few weeks and Santana has been trying to convince me to accompany her to a costume party. I would enjoy the distraction but I'm not sure I'd be comfortable dressing up and going out. I hear the backdoor, that's connected to the kitchen open and I glance behind me to see Quinn coming in.

"Food almost ready?" She asks as she leans against the door.

"Just a little while longer." I tell her.

"I have to work Halloween so you'll have to take the kids." She says and I nod my head.

"That's fine. Santana and Brittany invited us to go with them and Adriana anyway." I say.

"Why didn't I know about this?" She asks and I take a deep breath to calm myself.

"I didn't think you'd mind. I'm sorry." I tell her, hoping to keep her calm.

"You've been spending a lot of time with Santana lately. Are you fucking or something?" She asks.

"Of course not." I respond. I hear footsteps behind me and I look to see her walking towards me. I feel nauseous now.

"You know she's still in love with you right? How pathetic is that? It's been how long? You'd think she'd have moved on by now." Quinn says. I don't respond.

"Look at me when I'm talking to you." She says. I stop what I'm doing and turn to look at her. Quinn stares at me, looking me up and down for a while before she speaks again.

"What the hell does she see in you? You're nothing. You're weak, barely attractive and annoying as all hell. It took me years before I could get you to shut the fuck up. Why would anyone willingly want to deal with that. What is it about you? Why did she choose you? I just can't figure it out." She says and comes menacingly close to me. Quinn is so close I can feel her breath hitting my cheeks. Quinn laughs humorlessly before she continues.

"Something must really be wrong with Santana to even waste her time on you. It's fine though. You guys can hang out all you want, as long as she understands that you're mine" Quinn roughly grabs my chin and lifts my head so that our eyes meet.

"Who do you belong to?" She asks. I can barely see her through my tears and she continues to look at me with that sickening smile.

"No matter how hard Santana tries, I'll always win. She can't have you." Quinn lets go of my chin and goes back outside.

I run to the bathroom to collect myself. I am so tired...I don't know if I can keep living like this.

 **Santana's P.O.V.**

"You know it's incredibly to come to someones house and cheat." I say as she shuffles the deck of _UNO_ cards. We've played 5 games and I've lost every last one of them. Tori laughs at me as she deals out the next hand.

"I don't find this funny." I tell her.

"That's because you're a sore loser. It's not my fault you suck at this game. Strategize better." She says with a smirk and I stick my tongue out at her.

"Admit that you're cheating." I tell her. I quickly check my phone while she responds.

"I can't admit something I haven't done." I take my turn and put out a red 2.

"I'm not buying it." I say to her as she drops a draw 2 card. I disgruntledly grab the cards and Tori shakes her head.

"I'll let you lick your wounds later." She says.

"They are no wounds but if you want to make me feel better, why don't we make this game a little more interesting?" Tori raises one eyebrow.

"Interesting how?" She asks as she takes her turn.

"Loser has to take off a piece of clothing." I say and Tori giggles.

"You just want me to see you naked." She says.

"I don't plan on losing. So do we have a deal?" I hold my hand out to her and she looks at it before taking it and shaking.

"You're on." I smirk and glance at my phone again.

"Expecting someone?" I look up at Tori when she speaks.

"No." I say. I haven't heard from Rachel all day. I can't help but obsessively check my damn phone.

"You sure? You've been checking that thing probably every 3 minutes. Am I boring you?" She says and I shake my head.

"No, I just -"

"Just waiting to hear from Rachel?" She asks and I sigh.

Tori and I have been dating awhile now but we haven't made anything official and we haven't really done anything more than kiss. I've told Tori I wanted to go slow and that I am getting over someone. I just never told her who it was. I have been making progress in getting over Rachel. Sure, my breath still catches when I see her but I don't think about her 24/7 anymore, feel sad when I look at her wedding ring or even fantasize about what might have been. That sounds like progress to me.

"What is with you two?" She asks and sits her cards down. I sigh and do the same.

"If I said I'm just worried about her, would you think I was lying?" I ask.

"No. I don't know anything negative about her but that's not why I'm asking. I know you're getting over someone but is the someone her or are you falling in love with her?" Didn't see that coming.

"It's complicated." I tell her and she sighs.

"Well I have time. I deserve to know what I'm getting myself into because I really like you Santana." She says. Tori is right. I should have told her the whole truth from the beginning but I was afraid. I wanted to really try with her so I didn't want to scare her off.

"You're right. I'm sorry I didn't tell you but...Rachel is the person I'm trying to get over." I tell her.

"Did you guys have an affair? You said she was married." She says. I tell Tori all about my long history with Rachel and even Quinn.

"So why do you still talk to her so much?" Tori asks.

"I'm not a professional by any means but from experience, I know unrequited love hurts and you should really take the time to sort through your feelings and evaluate if you can really handle a friendship with her." Tori says.

I know she's right. I've been trying too, I really have but it's just so hard...

"I'm trying. I really am but...I don't know. Maybe I've been stuck on her for so long, I'm not sure how to ..."

"Be without her? I've been there. It's not an easy task but what you haven't realized is that you're not really trying to let her go." She says and I don't respond.

"Something deep inside of you is hoping one day she'll call and say she left her wife and she wants to be with you. You are deeply in love with her Santana and you can't just get over that over the course of a few months. I just don't know where that leaves me." She says.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"We can't move forward until you sort through your feelings. I'm not willing to share you. I want someone who is going to give me their all and it's not that I don't think you don't want to. It's that I know you can't. I can't be strung along San..." I exhale deeply and shake my head.

"Well...whatever you want to do...I'm okay with. Everything you said was true and I don't blame you. You deserve someone who can give you their all."

"I guess...maybe we should just be friends. At least for right now." I nod my head.

"Okay...does that mean we can't play strip _UNO_? Friends strip in front of each other all the time?" Tori laughs.

"Yeah but friends don't have the thoughts I will have if I see you naked." She says.

"Friends also hook up from time to time."

"I don't hook up." She says and I shrug.

"It was worth a shot. All the sexual tension that's just been building...we could just get rid of it."

"Nope. Now go ahead, it's your turn." I pick my cards back up and we continue playing.

After about another 5 games, I've totaled about 3 wins. Tori shows no mercy in this game. I hate that she wants to just be friends but I get where she's coming from. If I were her I wouldn't want to feel that way either. We're wrapping up now and Tori is heading home. I walk her to car and as I walk back to my house, my phone rings. It's Rachel. Why is she calling at 11 p.m?

"Hello?" I answer.

Rachel's panicked response gives me a pain in the pit of my stomach. I quickly run inside to grab my car keys and make my way to her house.


	13. Chapter 13

**Rachel's P.O.V.**

I don't know...how did this happen? Why did this happen? What did I do wrong? I lost my...my child...is gone. I just can't...why did this happen to me? Why me? I turn my head to the other side of my pillow and wipe the tears from my face. My child deserved a life...what did I do wrong? I hear a knock on my bedroom door but I don't respond. The door opens and Santana is standing there with a bowl. Ever since I left the hospital, she and Brittany have been over everyday. Quinn has taken some vacation time so that I don't have to have the kids for a few days. I'm sure she only did that because I was ordered to be on bed rest.

"Hey." Santana says softly and I don't respond. Santana comes in and sits on the edge of the bed near my feet.

"I brought you some tomato soup." I look at her and she sighs and sits it on the night stand.

"You gotta eat something Rach." She says and I sigh.

"I will. Thank you." I tell her.

"I'm not leaving until you eat some of that soup." I sit up in bed and grab the bowl of soup. I eat a spoonful and sit it back down.

"Rachel." She says.

"I'm not hungry." I tell her.

"It's been two days and you haven't eaten anything. Please eat. For me?" I roll my eyes and pick the bowl up again.

"Anything good on TV?" Santana asks and I shake my head.

"I haven't been watching it." I tell her.

"You know...you can't blame yourself right? There wasn't anything you could have done. You didn't do anything wrong..." She says. I shake my head.

"It is my fault...I can't do anything right." I feel my eyes fill with tears and I sit the bowl back down then lie back down in bed.

"It is not your fault. You did nothing wrong." Santana says. I shake my head and more tears cover the bed sheet. I feel Santana stand then I feel her presence behind me. The bed shifts again and I feel a warm body spooning me from behind.

"You did nothing wrong." She whispers and wraps an arm around me.

I'm not sure when Brittany came in but she's lying in front of me with her arms around me. I couldn't ask for better people to have in my life. I don't feel my sobs stop, I just feel my eyes close.

 **Santana's P.O.V.**

I can't believe Rachel miscarried. I feel so bad and I don't know what I can do. I've never lost a child so I have no idea how that feels but I can only imagine. I want Rachel to be able to mourn her lost but I don't want this to bring her down. Rachel still has two other kids to raise and they need her. I slowly and carefully remove myself from Rachels back and Brittany follows so that we don't wake her. We go downstairs and find Quinn sitting on the couch. As much as I hate this bitch...I'll be cordial since she just lost a child too.

"The kids are in Ava's room if you're wondering." She says to us with no emotion in her voice.

"Are you alright?" I ask. Quinn looks at me with misty eyes and sniffles before answering.

"Yeah...I'll be fine..." Brittany sits next to her and rubs her arm. I sit in a chair on the other side of the room.

"If you guys want, San and I will take the kids for a few days and give you some time." Brittany says. I don't remember volunteering to do anything nice for this bitch...Ugh.

"No, that's okay B. I can handle it." Brittany nods.

"Well Rachel is asleep so I'm going to run to the store to grab some stuff." I say as I stand.

I have literally nothing to get at the store, I just can't stand to look at Quinn's stupid face a second longer. I feel like I should have more compassion for her because of what she's going through but why should I care? Hate doesn't just disappear over night. Not to mention, she's barely even checking on Rachel like it wasn't the kid in her womb or anything. Whatever I'm out of her sight so she's out of my mind.

When I get back from the store, Rachel is still asleep. Brittany is in the kitchen probably cooking them something to eat. I bought her some balloons and a stuffed turtle. I'm hoping it will make her smile. When we were in college, they brought a bunch of animals to campus and Rachel bent down to pick up a rabbit, she just had no idea that her dress landed on a turtles face so it latched on. Rachel looked down at her leg because she felt something warm and she lost her mind. The turtle peed on her leg and she tried to run away with the rabbit in her arms. I go upstairs to sit them down and as I turn to leave I see Rachel watching me.

"Creep much?" I say and she cracks a small smile.

"Sit down." She says and I sit on the edge of her bed near her stomach. I look down at her and move a few strands of hair out of the way so that I can see her face. Rachel's eyes are so red and puffy I'm surprised she can see through them.

"For the record, you woke me up. I wasn't staring at you."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night Berry."

"Thank you." She says and I nod.

"That turtle better have been the only stuffed animal you could find." I chuckle and rest my hand on the bed behind her.

"You wish." Rachel laughs softly.

"You are an asshole."

"What did I do to merit a curse word from Rachel Berry?" I say. Rachel just rolls her eyes.

"Do you have a nice bone in your body?" She asks.

"Only for special occasions. Now, are you ready to talk?" Rachel sighs but nods her head.

"I know I didn't do anything wrong but I can't help but feel that way..." She says.

"That's because it hurts. It's fresh. You just need some time. Everything happens for a reason. You just have to remember you have people who love you and two other little people you have to be strong for. Brit and I will be strong for you so you don't have to worry about that." I tell her and she smiles softly.

"We'll get through this. I promise." Rachel nods.

"I'm still pretty tired." She says and I go to stand but she puts a hand on my arm to stop me.

"Stay until I fall asleep?" She asks and I can't say no.

"Want a lullaby too?" I ask jokingly.

"Sure." She says then closes her eyes. I shake my head then play with my fingers while I stare at them in my lap.

" _I found a love for me. Darling, just dive right in and follow my lead."_ I begin to softly sing. _  
_

" _Well, I found a girl, beautiful and sweet. Oh, I never knew you were the someone waiting for me."_ Rachel peaks at me from one eye.

"' _Cause we were just kids when we fell in love. Not knowing what it was. I will not give you up this time. But darling, just kiss me slow. Your heart is all I own. And in your eyes you're holding mine."_ I continue.

" _Baby, I'm dancing in the dark. With you between my arms. Barefoot on the grass. Listening to our favorite song. When you said you looked a mess. I whispered underneath my breath. But you heard it. Darling, you look perfect tonight."_ I finish. Once I look at Rachel she's fast asleep.

I sat with Rachel until it was time for dinner and I convinced her to get out of bed and eat with her family. I know this is going to suck but it'll be easier with time and I know she'll be alright.

* * *

 **A/N: Song is Ed Sheeran's, i don't own anything. Also, I want to thank everyone for following this story. I know it's pretty dark in comparison to what I've written in the past but I wanted to explore this idea. Thanks for all the support.**


	14. Chapter 14

**Santana's P.O.V.**

Halloween. My favorite holiday of the year. I can't wait for Adriana to get old enough for me to scare her and not feel bad about it. Last year I put a fake spider on her head and she wouldn't stop crying for almost an hour. It was worth it though. I have a friend who is a club promoter and every year he has a huge Halloween party and when I say huge, I mean so big that you have to be on the guest list to get in because celebrities come every year. Brittany and I are always on the list but she's not coming this year. I invited Rachel but she's been on the fence about it and since the miscarriage I haven't brought it back up.

Rachel has been better these few weeks but losing the baby has definitely still got her down. I'm hoping she'll go with me tonight so she can have a little fun and stop thinking so much. I've been trying to give Rachel more space while she's mourning but not too much. I've really been taking what Tori said into serious consideration and after Halloween, I've decided to see and talk to Rachel a lot less. Granted, I can't completely cut her out just like that since she has my child but I can minimize contact. I'm kind of screwed for Thanksgiving though. I already planned it with Rachel along with a surprise for her but that's far enough away and is still only one day I'll have to really be around her.

When Rachel and I talked, she made it clear that, yes while she is married, she feels like we would have had a shot but since she's not single we can't be anything more than friends. I know she doesn't want to hurt me or lead me on but the thing that's been bothering me is that...Rachel never said she didn't have feelings for me. I know I'm thinking into it but I can't help it. I need to hear her say she doesn't see me that way. As fucked up as it sounds, I need the rejection. I sound like a broken record...

It will probably get easier once Rachel goes back to work. Last week she told me she got the teaching position so hopefully she'll be too busy to think about me.

 **Rachel's P.O.V.**

Getting over the loss of my child is one of the hardest things I've had to cope with to date. My therapist suggestions has made the process a little easier but hasn't taken away the pain. I have to thank Brittany and Santana properly for being as supportive as they were. Telling the children what happened to their sibling was just as heartbreaking as the actual ordeal. Leo wasn't too upset but I'm not sure he really grasped the concept of death. Ava...Ava was sad about it but she seems to be recovering. We had a service which I think helped Ava gain some closure but it opened a door of questions I was not prepared to answer for my child, but it had to be done.

I'm not sure how Quinn is handling everything. Of course she hasn't talked to me but she hasn't been acting out of character either. I can't really tell is she's sad at all. I wouldn't be surprised if she blames me for it happening. This will just be another reason she treats me so bad. We haven't felt like a real married couple in years but I thought maybe she would want to talk about this with me. It doesn't hurt that hasn't or probably won't talk to me about it. Well, it doesn't hurt anymore. I don't have an emotional connection to Quinn anymore and I don't feel like I can ever get past the pain enough to see her as a decent human being.

I've been thinking about what Quinn said about Santana...before all of this happened. I...Santana has never said she's loved me. Quinn told me years ago that Santana was in love with me but honestly, I don't believe that. It's not that I couldn't fathom it because I can but...how could she really feel that way after so long? I'd be flattered but...I don't see it. Santana has feelings for me as do I for her, but is it really love? I'm not sure how I feel about that. If I'm being honest I'd love to be with Santana. I haven't been treated so well in so long, I've forgotten that I could be treated with such kindness and respect. Logically I know I deserve to be respected but I can't help feeling like I get what I deserve with Quinn. I wish I had talked to Santana about us all those years ago before pursuing Quinn.

I sigh to myself as I take the children inside. We've came back from picking up Ava from school. Ava runs upstairs to change her clothes and Leo and Ava begin to chase each other around the house playing tag. I head to the kitchen to get Ava an afternoon snack when I hear her running down the stairs. As I slice an apple for her, she skips inside the kitchen and sits her homework on the kitchen table. I smile at her and she comes to hug my legs. I lift her into my arms and hug her close.

"You're really happy today." I say and she nods her head with the brightest smile on her lips.

"I am! I got the most stars in my class today!" She says excitedly. The kids at her school don't receive grades yet but stars on their assignments.

"Good job! I'm proud of you! What did you do?" I ask.

"I'll go get it!" She exclaims and I laugh slightly as I sit her down. Ava takes off upstairs and I have her snack on the kitchen table for her by the time she gets back. I sit at the table as Ava hands me a paper with a gold border sprinkled with different colored glitter clumped in certain spots and stickers all around. In the middle there's a picture she drew of two people.

"It's us." She says with a smile on her face. I smile at her then begin to read the text under the picture.

In print it say 'My hero is...' and the rest is in Ava's handwriting. It reads 'My mommy.' In plain text under that it reads 'Because...' and Ava's response reads 'She is beautiful,fun, nice, teaches me to be strong and sings to me when I'm sad. Mommy is the best person.'

"Mommy? Are you okay?" Ava asks me. I hadn't noticed my eyes were misting over until I look up at her. I quickly wipe them away and pull her into a huge.

"I'm great baby girl. This is really sweet." I tell her as we part. Ava wipes a tear I missed from my cheek then climbs into my lap.

"I love you mommy. You're awesome!" I run my fingers through her hair and kiss her forehead.

"I love you too. Now eat you're snack so we can do your homework okay?" Ava nods then moves her plate so that its in front of her and she can remain in my lap. I chuckle to myself and shake my head.

Ava has always been attached to my hip. I can't believe she wrote about me. As sweet as it was, her words aren't what brought me to tears. I was brought to tears because I'm not...I'm not the role model she needs. I never want her to think that my behavior is model behavior. I know that Ava picks up on the fact that I'm nervous around Quinn and that I never speak to Quinn if she doesn't speak to me first. I don't want to set that example for her. I teach her to be strong...but I'm not. I want my daughter to be the best person she can be but...that can't happen if her life is spent seeing her parents like this...

 **Santana's P.O.V.**

I'm standing outside Rachel's door, hoping I can get her to say yes to the costume party. I even went ahead and bought her a costume. It's just a Little Red Riding Hood costume but nothing super revealing or anything. I can admit that I would love to see her in something like that but now isn't the time. Rachel finally opens the door and I can't help the smile that graces my lips. No matter what, she will always be beautiful to me.

"Hey." I greet her.

"Hi Santana. Come in. I was just about to call you." She says as I come inside. I take a seat on the couch and Rachel closes and locks the door.

"For what?" I ask.

"To make sure you hadn't forgotten Adriana's costume for the second time today." Rachel smirks as she comes to sit next to me.

"I was in a rush this morning." I tell her and she playfully rolls her eyes.

"Sure. Is that it?" Rachel asks while nodding her head towards the bag in my hand.

"It is. Along with something for you." I reach into the bag and pull out the costume. Rachel takes it and looks at it.

"I must admit, I am surprised this isn't much more racy, seeing as you picked it out." Rachel says and I shrug my shoulders.

"Sometimes it's all about letting the imagination take over." I tell her.

"I never agreed to this party." She says.

"I know but, come on Berry. Britt can't go and I don't like anyone other than you two. Don't make me go alone." I plead with her. Rachel looks at me long and hard before cracking a smile.

"Fine...but I want to leave by 1." She says and I furrow my eyebrows in confusion.

"1? those are grandma hours to leave a party, but whatever you got a deal." I tell her.

Rachel and I sit and talk more while we wait for Brittany to show so we can get the kids dressed, get the pictures out of the way and then head out to Trick or Treat. It honestly didn't take her too long so we got out of the house at least an hour after she came. The kids were pretty adorable in their costumes. Ava is a mad scientist, Leo is Scarecrow and Ana is a butterfly. As much as I tried to get her and her mother to change it, they held their ground.

Quinn and Rachel live in a big enough area that we were able to walk around the neighborhood and get enough candy for the kids. After about 2 hours, we had back and sort through the candy. I feel a little bad for Brittany for having to deal with a sugar crazed 3 year old later. I stayed at Rachel's until Quinn got home around 8 o clock. I gave Ava and Leo some extra candy after she got there so that they can give Quinn hell tonight. Rachel and I get ready then head to the party. I decided to dress as a zombie biker. So, I'm really just wearing black leather and I had Rachel put a little makeup on me to make me look undead. I didn't want to go overboard this year.

We get to the party around 11 p.m. Since we made a pit stop to eat and it's exactly how I expected it to be...wild. There's caged go-go dancers on the floor, people hanging from the ceilings by chains and there's even a haunted house to the left of the entrance.

"This building is huge!" Rachel shouts over the music at me. I nod my head in response and put my hand on her right hip as I move closer to speak into her ear.

"Want to grab a table and I'll get us some drinks?" Rachel nods her response and as soon as I look back out into the huge crowd of people, my friend Danny shows up.

"Hey Satan good to see you!" He says after he wraps his arms around me, pulling me into one of his bear hugs while smashing a bottle of Champagne into my back. Danny is about 5'11 and is a bit on the chubby side with light brown hair and a beard to match. Imagine Seth Rogen without the glasses and you've got Danny. Danny is dressed in a white blazer with shoulder pads with a pink shirt underneath and his sleeves are rolled up. Along with the jacket, he has the pants and shoes to match.

"I wish I could say the same but you still look like a hipster wanna be." He laughs.

"Follow me." He says then moves past me. I grab Rachel's hand and lead her through the crowd as we follow him up a black winding stair case. We get to the second floor and he leads us to a room not too far from the stair case. Inside the room has a red light on and the floor is glass so that you can see underneath you. We walk to the back of that room and he opens another door. We follow him inside and he shuts the door behind us, blocking almost all of the loud music then smiles at me.

"I got to hand it to you San, you always have the hottest women on your arm." He says to me then looks to Rachel.

"Danny." He holds his hand out to her and she shakes it with a polite smile and...is there a hint of a blush on her cheeks?

"Rachel." She says and he smiles as he lets her hand go.

"You are absolutely stunning. If you ever get tired of her, I am very single." He says and I glare at him. Fuck it. I move closer to him and take the back of my hand swing it to hit him directly in the crotch. Danny doubles over and glares at me.

"Back off." I say with an eye roll. After Danny composes himself, he chuckles as he stands.

"You must be one _very_ special lady. I haven't gotten that glare over anyone since -" He stops talking as if he's had a realization. I glare at him and he gets the memo. Danny doesn't know Rachel but he knows about her. Anyone who has known me long enough knows about Rachel, Danny is just one of the few who actually knows her name.

"Rachel is a friend." I say and he nods.

"Well I hope you two enjoy. You guys can hang in the room we just came from. It's VIP. San call me tomorrow so I still know you're alive. I actually have to go but if I don't make it back before you guys leave, it was great to meet you Rachel."

"You as well." She responds with a smile.

Danny opens the door and we follow him back out but before he leaves I grab the bottle of Champagne from him. When we came in originally, there were a few people in here but they've seemed to have cleared out. Rachel sits on the black couch in the room and I go to the cabinets in the back of the room where I find two champagne flutes. I pour her a glass and hand it to her.

"Thank you." I pour myself some and sit on the couch next to her as I sit the bottle down on the table in front of me. The music is louder in here than the previous room but not so loud that you have to scream at each other.

"You have an interesting friend." Rachel says before taking a sip of her drink.

"You get use to him." I say to her.

We continue to talk for a little while and have a couple more drinks before we head back out into the party. I felt like dancing and Rachel didn't object. Once we find a spot on the dance floor, we maintain some space from each other but we seem to migrate towards each other. Before I know it, Rachel is dancing with her back pressed against my chest. I put some distance between us as I grab her waist. I'm a little drunk which means it's a lot easier to turn me on. The song playing is still a faster song but is slower than the previous ones. As the song plays on, Rachel puts her hands over mine moves close until she's completely pressed against me. I focus on my breathing instead of the fact that her butt is against my crotch... the song is closer to ending when Rachel turns towards me. I keep my hands on her waist and she wraps her arms around my neck then moves to whisper in my ear.

"Are you enjoying yourself?" She asks and I nod my head as we sway to the music.

"I can tell..." Rachel trails off and giggles. I know exactly why she's laughing but fuck it, I'm not embarrassed. Rachel felt it while it was happening. I feel her warm breath hitting my neck and it's not helping the current situation.

"I feel like you're enjoying this." I tell her. Rachel shrugs but I feel her fingers along the waistband of my pants. I look at her and I just couldn't resist leaning in...and to my surprise, Rachel closes the distance. Her soft supple lips pressed against mine cause my knees to buckle. Our lips move together completely in sync and I feel Rachel's teeth take my bottom lip. I pull her body against mine and her hand drops from my waistband to my leg and once she finds what she's looking for, she squeezes gently. I moan softly and run my tongue along her bottom lip, asking for permission. Rachel parts her lips to grant me access and I explore the new grounds happily. I could stay here forever but it ends abruptly when Rachel pulls away. Her face is flushed, either from embarrassment or arousal. Rachel starts to move away from me then dashes for the door. I try to follow her but I lose her in the crowd. Fuck!

 **Rachel's P.O.V.**

Oh my...I don't know what came over me. It's not that I didn't want to do it, I just...I couldn't help myself. I shouldn't have come here. I should've known this would happen. My feelings for Santana are stronger than I can handle right now. I've walked down the street to clear my head. Santana has been calling me since I took off so I should probably answer to at least tell her where I am. I pick up my phone and say hello.

"Where the hell are you?" Santana shouts into the phone. The music in her background is still very loud.

"I'm at the corner of the street. I'm just going to go home." I tell her.

"What? Just stay where you are." She shouts then ends the call. I look down towards the door of the building and Santana comes out moments later and spots me. She breaks out into a mild sprint and comes to a stop in front of me.

"Rachel, what the hell?" She says and I shake my head.

"I'm going home Santana." I say and Santana clenches her jaw.

"You were just going to walk home in the middle of the night?!" She then sighs and runs her hands through her hair.

"No. I just...I need to think." I tell her.

"Think about what?" She asks.

"I kissed you Santana...I did things, I shouldn't have done and I..." I trail off with a shake of my head.

"Look...I don't know what's going on from your side of things but...ugh! This is so fucked up!" Santana shouts and starts to pace with her arms wrapped around herself.

"San..." I say softly and reach out to touch her but she moves out of my reach.

"No. I can't keep doing this." Santana stops in front of me then looks into my eyes. I can see the tears she's fighting back and all the hurt and pain that...that I've caused her. It breaks my heart.

"I..." Santana starts then pauses. She looks up at the sky to blink away her tears.

"I love you Rachel. I'm in love with you and I just...I don't know what we're doing here. I want you in my life but..." She pauses again and looks at her shoes while shaking her head.

"I don't think we can be friends right now..." I feel my own hot tears streaming down my cheeks and being blow away by the cool night breeze. I can only nod my head in response.

"If you think that's best." I manage to say.

"Just...tell me why. Why did you choose her over me? How is she better than me?" Santana says and I shake my head.

"I made a mistake Santana and...and I don't know how to fix it. Quinn isn't better than you but you deserve to be happy." I step towards her but she moves away once again. I feel like I could double over from the pain in my chest her rejection caused.

"She is because if she wasn't you'd be with me. I know you like me, you light up when I see you. I make you happy, why not just be with me?" She asks.

"It's so much more complicated than that San." I tell her.

"Then uncomplicate it. I need to know why you won't choose me. Is it because of the kids? I mean i get it, you're married and that's a sticky situation but divorce exists for a reason." I shake my head and sigh.

"Santana...I love you and I truly mean it. I am in love with you but...you have to give me time. There's...there's just so much you don't know and right now, I can't explain it but...Quinn and I..." I shake my head.

"Quinn and I have some things to discuss before you and I can even plan our next step. If you want to stop being friends, we can and I'm so sorry I hurt you. You didn't deserve that." I tell her. Santana stares at the ground for a long while before speaking again.

"Let me take you home." She says softly and I nod my head.

"Okay." I respond.

Santana and I walk back to her car and the remainder of the ride was silent. The most I could get out of Santana was a wave goodbye. I can't blame her for wanting nothing to do with me. All I've been doing is hurting her and that's the last thing I want to do. Speaking with Santana, seeing her so hurt, made me admit things to her I hadn't admitted to myself yet. I am in love with her, deeply in love with her and no matter what she decides on our relationship, I am going to leave Quinn for myself, for Santana and for my children. It may be a work in progress, but it will happen.


	15. Chapter 15

**Santana's P.O.V.**

I can't take this back and forth with Rachel anymore and ever since Halloween, we haven't spoken about anything besides the kids. Since Rachel has gone back to work, we found a babysitter for Adriana and Rachel enrolled Leo into a preschool so he has somewhere to go while she's working. Adriana still goes over to visit them but it's only been on the weekends. Not to say, Rachel hasn't tried to talk to me because she has. I just am not ready to hear it...At least not anymore emotional conversation. Since it's almost Thanksgiving, I I'll have to put my feelings aside until it at least ends. Rachel told me a long time ago that she hadn't seen or spoken to her fathers in years and she missed them. It mad her so sad that I never asked why but I did get her fathers number from her phone when she wasn't looking. Fast forward to her parents sitting in my car. I just picked them up from the airport and I'm taking them to their hotel.

"Thank you so much for doing this Santana, it really means the world to us." Hiram pats my leg and smiles at me. I smile in return as I drive.

"No problem. I know you guys have to miss each other. It's the least I could do."

"Honestly, we probably could never repay you but if there's anything you can think of, let us know." Leroy says from his spot behind me.

"Don't worry about it." I tell him. I haven't seen Rachel's parents since her graduation. We've met on many different occasions and I actually like Rachel's dads.

"Let us take you to dinner at least." Hiram suggests.

"Yeah, we didn't eat before the plane ride so we could eat." Leroy adds.

"I can't I have to go pick up my daughter." I tell them.

"Oh, yes! Adriana. I can't wait to meet her. She is probably just as gorgeous as her mother." Hiram pats my shoulder and I chuckle. Hiram likes to talk so once I contacted them, he kept me on the phone for a while.

"She is gorgeous but I can't take credit." Hiram chuckles.

We continue to talk until we get to the hotel. I help them with their luggage and hug them before we depart. I don't understand why Rachel stopped talking to them and I feel bad. They are really sweet men and they miss their daughter and their grandchildren. I believe Hiram said he hasn't seen or spoken to Rachel since Ava was 3 years old. That's 3 entire years, my mother calls and curses me out if I don't talk to her for a week. After leaving the Berrys I head to Brittany's to pick up Adriana.

The next day, we're up early to get Rachel's fathers because Hiram called me at 9 a.m to ask when we were leaving to see Rachel and I couldn't go back to sleep from that point. I guess we can go early and see if she needs help cooking or setting up.

 **Rachel's P.O.V.**

I am so tired. Emotionally, Physically, Spiritually... I've been speaking with my therapist about my situation with Quinn and she's given me many resources to get out and access to support groups. I've actually been going to a support group for the last 3 weeks and it feels great to know that I'm not alone. Since working, I've set up video cameras through out the house for evidence of what is happening between Quinn and I. I'm tired of lying down and taking this with no fight. I want to live my life and be happy and that is what I will do. Quinn has provided me with some evidence of her assault, both physical and verbally which I plan to take to the police and give to my divorce lawyer. Yes, I have spoken with a divorce lawyer and once I have enough money saved, I'm taking my children and we're moving.

It's going to be very hard to explain to them what is happening but I hope they won't hate me for it. I've been trying to tell Santana but she still doesn't really want to speak to me. I can't blame her. It's only been 3 weeks and I know she's confused. I don't expect her to show up this Thanksgiving even though I invited her and Brittany for dinner. Brittany will probably be here though. I'm in the kitchen with the children, I have Ava cutting apples for the apple pie I'm making. Leo is playing at the table with his Legos and I've just put the turkey in the oven when there's a knock on the door. Who could that be? It's only 10:50 a.m. Dinner is very far off. I quickly wipe my hands and open the door to see.

"Dads?!"I jump in excitement and grab them both for a hug. They hold me just as tightly as I hold them and the feeling of safety and love overwhelms me so much it's hard to keep standing. I've missed them so much. I feel them both kiss my head a hand rubbing my back.

"It's alright honey, we've missed you too." I hear my daddy Leroy say. I had no idea I was sobbing into their arms until my daddy Hiram lifts my chin and kisses my forehead. I look at his smile through watery eyes and he pulls me close again. I feel like we stood their for at least 20 minutes, just holding each other. I finally pull myself from them and wipe my eyes.

"Now, maybe we should come go inside before we catch our deaths." Daddy Hiram says and I nod. I step aside so that they can come in and I finally notice Santana and Adriana standing there.

"Hi Ana." I say as I bend down and hug her. She hugs me back then runs inside. I stand and Santana hovers near the door.

"Was this your doing?" I ask and she shrugs.

"Happy Thanksgiving Rachel." She says and I give her a small smile. I step outside and close the door behind me before taking her hand in my own. When Santana doesn't pull away, I speak.

"Can we talk? Please?" I ask her and she shrugs again.

"I'll be back and we can take a walk." Santana looks at me and nods. I go back inside to grab my coat and change my shoes. Once I go back outside, Santana is at the end of the driveway. I walk towards her and we begin to walk together.

"So what's up?" She asks once we're a few houses down.

"After that night, I've been thinking but if you still don't want to talk, we don't have to." I tell her and she shrugs again.

"I'm ready to uncomplicate things for you, but you have to promise me something." I stop and take both of her hands in mine. I pull her towards me and look into her eyes.

"What?" She asks me.

"You have to promise me that you will not intervene in any way what so ever and mean it Santana." Santana looks at me curiously and nods.

"You have my word. What is it?" I let one of her hands go and continue to walk while intertwining our fingers.

"Quinn and I have had a very...abusive marriage."

"She hit you?" Santana asks. I can see the fury in her eyes but she's trying to keep a calm demeanor.

"Along with other things. Needless to say, somethings you just can't recover from. I've been wanting to leave Quinn for years now but I didn't have the resources." I say.

"Come stay with me. I have an extra bedroom so the girls could share and you could stay in my bedroom. I'll take the couch or something." Santana says.

"Not that I wouldn't love waking up to see you everyday, I have to do this on my own." I tell her.

"Rachel it's not safe for you to be in that house." Santana says.

"I've dealt with it this long. I can handle it. I just need a little more time. I promise, I can handle this." Santana sighs and shakes her head.

"I just need you to really listen to me Santana. No glares, no physical violence, no threats."

"Yeah...I hear you. So, what does this mean for us?" She asks. I stop walking once again and turn to her.

"It means that I'm willing to give this a try if you are but we'll have to take things slow. I have to find myself again and though you've helped me over the past few months, I still have some searching. I want to be with you but if I've hurt you too much, I'll understand." Santana steps towards me and puts her hands on my hips.

"Fine. I'll let you handle it but you can't take your time with this. She could really hurt you and I wouldn't be able to live with that." I nod in response.

"I've waited for you this long, I can wait a little longer. I'll wait as long you want and if we date 10 years before I get another kiss, I'll be okay with that." She continues and I chuckle.

"You're almost a convincing liar." Santana shrugs.

"I tried alright but duh, obviously I'd have an issue with that. That's a crime for you to let me experience a kiss from you then withhold it for years."

"How about I give you something to tide you over." I lean in to kiss her and she meets me half way.

I can't explain how I feel when I kiss Santana. It feels better than right...it just feels like...home. I don't think I've ever felt like this with Quinn at any point in our relationship. Santana pulls back and looks at me.

"How far along are you with the divorce process?" She asks.

Santana and I walk a while longer and she gives me a better alternative to living with Quinn's abuse until things get settled. Santana offered to stay at my home until the divorce lawyer has the paperwork for me to give to Quinn. Since I was told the papers should be ready next week, I don't think this will be a bad idea. I know Quinn won't have an issue with Santana being there for a week so this may honestly work and it will provide me some comfort because I'm sure Quinn won't do anything with Santana in the house.

 **Santana's P.O.V.**

Can you drown someone in mashed potatoes? I would think so. I'm ready to test it out with Quinn's stupid face right now. It's taking all of my strength not to grab her from the other side of the table and just...kill her. Why does she even exist? I knew something was going on here and I hate that it took Rachel this long to tell me what was going on but I don't blame her. A lot of abused women are afraid of telling someone because they think it'll just make things worse. I hate myself for not seeing the sighs earlier, when Rachel broke her nose last year or when she sprained her wrist. There were so many signs and I just thought nothing of it. I may hate myself but I hate Quinn more. How could you treat the mother of your children like that?

Rachel finally told me Quinn is the reason she had to eat meat and not see her fathers. Quinn wants her to take care of her kids and be totally compliant like she isn't a person and can't disagree with her. While sitting at dinner, you can tell Quinn is pissed Rachel's fathers are here. I guess that gives me some satisfaction but I still want to kill her. I want her to know what it feels like to be terrified of someone. I want her to hurt. I want her to know what it feels like to be treated like shit...and I plan on showing her.


	16. Chapter 16

**Santana's P.O.V.**

I've been staying with Rachel for about three days now. I lied and told Quinn my place needed to be fumigated and I'll just lie again saying it's going to be longer than I expected. I've kept my promise to Rachel so far but seeing Quinn every day has been driving me nuts. All Quinn does is try to talk to me. I can't understand it. Is she purposely annoying me? Knowing Quinn, that might be her motive. I don't trust Quinn and I never will so I won't give her the satisfaction of winning whatever game she's playing. I knew what I was getting myself into when I asked Rachel to let me stay but I couldn't just let her stay here. It only takes one fit of rage to end someones life, on purpose or accident and I will not let that happen. I've been staying in their guest bedroom but I can't sleep so I decided to go downstairs and watch TV on the couch so that's currently where I'm sitting. I hear someone coming down the stairs so I glance over...ugh...please just be getting something to drink and go away.

Quinn goes to the kitchen and rummages through the cabinets. I keep watching TV until I hear her walk back into the living room. Quinn stands by the wall, nursing her glass and I sigh.

"What?" I say then return my gaze to the TV.

"What are you watching?" She asks and I roll my eyes.

"Nothing." I respond.

"Why are you awake anyway?" She questions. Why can't she just leave me alone?

"Is there something I can help you with?" Quinn takes a sip from her glass.

"Can we just...talk?" She says and I bite my tongue to stop my next remark. I sit up on the couch and Quinn comes to take a seat next to me. Quinn sits her glass, of what I can now smell is alcohol, down of the coffee table and looks over to me in the dark.

"Why the hell are you drinking at 1:45 a.m and do you know you almost permanently smell like a distillery?"

"Are you just a bitch 24/7?" She responds.

"Only to you." I say. Quinn chuckles dryly.

"I'm trying to watch TV so what the hell do you want?" I say. Quin sighs and rests her head on the back of the couch.

"You don't ever miss me?" She says and I can't help but laugh. Is she serious?

"Why the hell would I miss you?" I question.

"Come on Santana, we were best friends." She says.

"No. I was your friend but you only ever cared about yourself." I tell her.

"I care about you Santana." She says.

"If you did you wouldn't have gone behind my back and taken the love of my life from me." Quinn chuckles and sits up slightly.

" Why can't we just start over? Would that kill you? To just forgive?" She says.

"You want me to forgive someone who never even apologized?"

"You want me to apologize for dating Rachel?" She says with confusion written across her face.

"Duh! You of all people knew how I really felt about her and you purposely took her to hurt me!" I take a deep breath to calm myself. Damn it, I didn't mean to be so loud. Quinn sighs then looks at her hands in her lap.

"You're right." She says still looking at her fingers.

"I owe you an apology." Quinn turns and grabs my left hand. I eye her suspiciously and she stares into my eyes.

"I apologize for hurting you. You were my friend and I should have taken your feelings into consideration." She tells me...Um...I have no idea what to say to that. I never expected her to actually apologize and why does she look so...vulnerable? What the fuck is happening?

"I uh...I don't...thanks, I guess?" I pull my hand away and Quinn places her hand on my thigh. Like high up on my thigh, near areas she shouldn't be if you know what I mean. I move over slightly and she follows me.

"What the hell are you doing?" I ask. Quinn gives me a smirk.

"Come on San, I know you feel this tension between us..." Quinn moves her hand higher and I roughly remove it with my hand.

"I don't know what delusional fucked up world you live in, but the only tension we have is my hate for you."

"Santana, you don't have to lie. I know you feel it too." Quinn's hand flies to my crotch and I stand and move to the other side of the room before she can do anything else.

"You've officially lost it. Don't fucking touch me." I say from my spot in front of the TV. Quinn stands up and starts to move towards me.

"What's going on?" I hear Rachel's voice say. I look towards the stairs and she's standing at the bottom, looking very confused.

"Nothing. Go back to bed." Quinn says in somewhat of a forceful tone. Rachel then turns to look at me.

"You just saved this crazy bitches life. She just groped me." Rachel looks at Quinn again.

"I said go back to bed Rachel." Quinn says, this time you can hear the anger in her voice.

"How long have you been up drinking Quinn?" Rachel asks. This seems to infuriate Quinn and she quickly moves over to Rachel. Rachel instinctively puts her hands up to protect herself but I move behind Quinn quick enough to grab her shoulder and stop her.

"What the fuck are you doing?!" I spin Quinn towards me then she moves my hand from her shoulder.

"She doesn't fucking question me!"

"Are you fucking crazy?! If you fucking touch her I'll kill you right here, right now." I tell her. Quinn snorts then steps closer to me.

"You really love her? Why? What can she do for you that I can't? What makes her so special? Why couldn't you have loved me?! Huh?! Why?!" Quinn has tears in her eyes and I step back.

"What are you talking about?" I ask.

"I love you! I've always loved you but you were too in love with this bitch to see it!"

"Don't disrespect her like that." Quinn's tears begin to fall and she laughs humorlessly.

"Of course. No matter what I do, she'll always be the only thing you give a shit about. I date her, you still want her. I marry her, you still want her. I get her pregnant 3 times and you still want her. I broke her. I broke her mentally and physically and you still want her...I did everything I possibly could to make her suffer because you wanted her so much. I deserve to know why you _always_ chose her first..." What the hell?

"Are you saying you only dated me so that Santana couldn't have me?" Rachel asks. Quinn looks over to her.

"I only tolerated you because I wanted Santana to know what it felt like to love someone who didn't choose them. I never loved you. I made your life a living hell because it was fun for me. You don't deserve Santana's love." Rachel stares at Quinn, unblinking...

"You crazy bitch!" Rachel yells then charges at Quinn and before I know it, Quinn is under Rachel trying guard her face from the nonstop punches from Rachel. After the initial shock of what's happening wears off, I pick Rachel up and hold her down on the couch.

"Calm down!" I say as she fights back. I grab her wrists and pin her to the couch.

"Look at me!" I shout to get Rachel's attention on me. Once we lock eyes I tell her.

"Breathe okay, she's not worth it." Rachel doesn't say anything but she stops fighting. I turn my head to see Quinn standing wiping the blood from her lip. I look back to Rachel.

"If I let go, will you stay here?" I ask Rachel.

"No." She says calmly. If the situation weren't so serious, I would probably laugh.

"After all these years, I finally got you to snap." Quinn says.

"Shut the fuck up!" I say from my place on top of Rachel.

"You fucking piece of shit. You're going to pay for what you did to me." Rachel says in an eerily calm voice.

"I'm okay San. You can let me go." She says. I search her face for any signs of anger before letting her go. I stand and she sits up on the couch.

"Well, this has been eventful. Quinn I think it's time you left. Rachel will send you the divorce papers and to answer your question, I've never been interested in you, you fucking lunatic. You really need to get some help." I tell Quinn.

"Fine...If I can't have you, she definitely won't." Quinn has a wild look in her eye and I don't like it.

"Rachel, go outside and call the police." I say, not taking my eyes off of Quinn. Quinn smirks and moves towards the kitchen.

"No. This is between the two of us. You go outside and call the police." Rachel stands and walks towards Quinn. I grab her wrist but she pulls away from me.

"Rachel we need to get the fuck out of here." Rachel looks back at me and I've never seen so much anger in her eyes.

"No. This ends now." Shit...


	17. Chapter 17

**Santana's P.O.V.**

Everything just happened so fast. This is all my fault. I should've gone to the cops when Rachel told me about this. Fuck...if anything happens to her...

 **~ 1 hour earlier~**

I quickly reach for Rachel's wrist again but she moves before I can. Rachel reaches the threshold of the kitchen and I grab her waist with both hands and pull her back. As she steps back, Quinn emerges with a knife.

"Quinn, what the fuck are you doing?!" I say as I throw Rachel to the side.

"Ending this! She doesn't deserve you!" Quinn turns to Rachel and charges at her. Rachel runs from the living room to the dinning room and I follow.

"We can talk about this!" I say as we begin to circle the table.

"We've said everything that needed to be said." She says.

"Quinn! You can't be serious!" Rachel says and Quinn smirks.

"I've been wanting to do this for a long time." She says menacingly. I feel a knot in the pit of my stomach. Where the hell is my phone? As we continue to circle, I see an opportunity to get Rachel out of here. We go past the opening that leads to a hall. I push Rachel towards the opening once Quinn is far enough away and I tackle her to the ground. I grab her hand that's holding the knife and try to pin her arm above her head but she's not giving up easily.

"Get off me!" She shouts. I put my other hand on her arm and push it to the floor. Quinn is on my back trying to move my hands but I won't let go.

"Put it down!" I shout. Quinn throws her weight onto my back and I crash to the floor from the surprise.

"Ow!" I yell as I feel a sharp pain in my left shoulder. I lift up to my knees and the knife is pushed into my shoulder, at least half the blade is in my arm.

"Fuck!" I yell as Quinn pulls it out.

"Santana!" I hear Rachel yell. I turn to see Rachel coming towards me. Quinn quickly gets to her feet and charges at Rachel. Rachel runs out of the room and I get to my feet to follow. When I find them, Rachel is on the floor and Quinn has the knife in her rib cage.

 **~Present ~**

I've been sitting in my room pacing back and forth. I can't go see Rachel and Brittany can't come because she has all of the kids. I can't believe that crazy bitch really did this! Jesus Christ! I'm so happy she got arrested. I hope she doesn't see the light of day for the rest of her miserable life. I'm losing my mind in this room! Is Rachel okay?! Where the hell are my discharge papers?! They've already told me I was cleared to go. How long does it take to figure out if she's okay?

After what feels like forever, I get discharged and they take me to see Rachel. Seeing her in this hospital bed hurts me on levels I didn't know I could feel hurt. I slowly walk towards Rachel and she turns her head towards me. With a small smile on her lips, she reaches her hand out to me. I grab her hand as I approach her and kiss her forehead.

"Are you okay?" I ask her.

"I am now but the doctors said I had a collapsed lung. Minor though so need to fret." She says.

"Minor like it could heal on its own but they still want to keep you for observation?" Rachel nods her head.

"I guess that's comforting."

"Yeah...she got me 4 times before you got to her." Rachel says. I bend my head as I feel tears sting my eyes. Rachel's hand cups my face and she gently lifts my chin. I look at her through watery eyes and she wipes a tear from my cheek with her thumb.

"What's wrong?" She asks.

"I'm so sorry Rachel. It's my fault. If anything would have happened to you..." I shake my head.

"Santana you did nothing wrong. I'm sorry I even brought you into this."

"I'd rather be wounded by your side than not have you at all." Rachel smiles.

"So, what happens now?" I ask.

"Well, you have to decide on whether you want to press charges against Quinn." She says.

"Oh I already talked to the police. I'm definitely pressing charges." I tell her.

"Good. It wasn't optional for me not to press charges. The state is charging her regardless." I nod.

"I'm thinking your odds of sole custody are looking great right now." Rachel chuckles then winces.

"No jokes just yet." She says and I nod.

"Lay with me." Rachel moves over in her bed and I shake my head.

"I shouldn't." I tell her.

"Please?" She pleads and I can't say no to those gorgeous doe eyes. I huff but climb into bed with her. I lie on my back and she lies her head on my chest.

"Thanks for being here." She says.

"Where else would I be?" I ask.

Rachel and I sat there watching TV and talking until we both fell asleep.

 **~3 months later~**

 **Rachel's P.O.V.**

I keep feeling like I'm going to wake up and see Quinn lying next to me. I still can't grasp that she's finally gone until I get out of bed and speak to Santana. We've been dating officially for 2 months. I didn't want to make anything official until my divorce was finalized. I was granted sole custody along with the house and half of all of Quinn's assets. Quinn was charged with 2 counts of child endangerment and 2 counts of attempted murder, which totaled to about 23 years in prison but she won't be eligible for parole until she's served at least 11 and a half years.

Explaining what happened to the kids was pretty rough but Santana was a big help. I know I should take them to visit Quinn, but I'm honestly not ready yet. That night when all of this happened, I just snapped. I was ready to fight to the death with Quinn but Santana was there and I didn't want her to get hurt. That obviously didn't pan out well but at least we're all okay now. Santana and I have been so happy, words can't describe. We still haven't spoken about what we're calling this because she's respecting that I want to take my time. I'm not in a rush to be in another relationship just yet and she hasn't pressured me. I know that when I'm ready to take this to the next level, she'll be there.


	18. Chapter 18

**Santana's P.O.V.**

 **2 ½ years later**

I just can't stop staring at her from my seat across the table. Rachel looks up at me and blushes once she sees that I'm looking at her. It took us so long to get here but I couldn't be happier. Rachel and I have been together for sometime now and I can't lie, it wasn't a smooth ride here. Besides all the shit with Quinn, it took Rachel a long time to trust me. When we finally got into our first argument, she shut down. Some habits are harder to break than others but we've worked through that. Now we argue and she'll fight her point until we both just have to cave. I didn't know I could love Rachel even more but she proves me wrong every day.

"What?" She asks sheepishly as she moves a stand of hair behind her ear.

"Just admiring the view." Rachel blushes and rolls her eyes playfully.

"I hope you're referring to my face and not my breast." I laugh to myself and look down at Mateo. Mateo is about 3 weeks old now and Rachel was insistent on breast feeding. Apparently the other kids were so she didn't want to break the cycle.

"I guess you'll never know." I say with a wink and she glares at me.

"Don't be a pervert in front of the baby." She says and I laugh once again.

"He doesn't understand anything. All he wants is his milk." I tell her. Rachel adjusts Mateo on her nipple then looks back to me.

"Why don't you go check on the kids? or something more productive than staring at my breast."

"I'm actually looking at you but since you're being an ass about it, I'll leave." I stand from my seat and begin to walk past the table when Rachel reaches her hand out and grabs the bottom of my shirt.

"Sit back down." She says and I do as I'm told. I gently run my fingers along the back of Mateo's head and kiss Rachel's cheek.

"I'll be back." I stand and this time I leave the kitchen.

Rachel and I got a house together right after she sold her old one. It had too many bad memories for her so she couldn't stay. After we moved in together, everything just seemed to happen naturally. After being together a year, I couldn't restrain myself anymore and I proposed. I was surprised how eager Rachel was to get married again but I'm not complaining. We eloped and maybe around seven months of being married is when Rachel told me she was pregnant with our son. I was elated but Rachel was pretty scared. After losing the last baby, she wasn't sure she would make it to term but I gave her my theory on why she lost that baby. Quinn. Quinn had Rachel living in constant fear, that's not healthy for anyone and especially not a fetus.

At this point in my life, everything that it took to get here was worth it in my eyes. Yes, even being stabbed was worth it to get to where I am today. Rachel has always meant everything to me and now I get to show her everyday what she's really worth. Granted, we don't have as much time alone since we have 4 kids but that doesn't bother either of us.

Brittany has a girlfriend now and they've been dating a year. I'm pretty sure her name is Emily but I could be wrong. Emily is a coach at the school Brittany works at. I've met her, since Brittany is now thinking of having her meet Adriana. From what I can tell, Emily is really sweet and I feel like she's a good match for Britt so I'm happy for them. Tori and I have kept in contact and the funny thing with her is, that she finally got the woman she was in love with too. How weird is that? They're engaged now and they actually should be here pretty soon. Tori's fiance, Jade, has a 5 year old from her previous relationship and the kids have had plenty of play dates. The best thing about having more than one kid is that they use the other kids to entertain themselves. The worse part of it is that I can't buy anything expensive.

It's been a little hard for the kids to adjust to Quinn being in prison. They still don't know the reason is because she tried to kill their mother and they will never know that if I have anything to do with it. The kids have only been communicating with Quinn through letters right and phone calls. Rachel still isn't comfortable with the situation and I can't blame her so I handle all of that stuff. Quinn wrote me a letter not too long ago, apologizing for what she did and she apologized for all the things she did to Rachel too. I don't believe it though. Quinn is sitting in prison, sober and bored so she might say anything because she doesn't have anything better to do. I appreciate the sentiment I guess, but Quinn can suck a dick, and not mine because she'd probably like that.

I walk through the living room and see Leo and Adriana coloring in their coloring books on the floor. I continue down the hall where Ava's room is and she's sitting on her bed playing a video game.

"Hey Tana." She says once she see me in the doorway.

"Hey lil estrella, what are you up to?" I ask.

"Playing Mario. Want to play?" She asks me and I shake my head.

"Just checking on you. Have fun." I say as I walk away.

Ava didn't particularly make the smoothest transition to having me become her parental figure. The first time I had to discipline her, she made it known I wasn't her mother. Ava had a closer relationship with Quinn so I wasn't surprised that I wasn't welcomed with open arms. We've talked, as much as you can with an 8 year old and as time has passed, her attitude towards me has shifted. I can't say that we're 100 percent where I want us to be, but we're slowly making our way there. Rachel has been thinking of having them see a child psychologist just to make sure this isn't effecting them in ways we can't see and I agree with her. I don't want to be the reason they're fucked up in the future. I also don't want them to be emotionally fucked up at all so I guess this is the best route. I begin to make my way back to the kitchen when I hear a knock at the front door. I open the door to a dazzling smile belonging to the one and only

"Tori." I greet her and she embraces me in a hug, which I return. When we pull apart I look over the girl with black hair and clothes to match...and lipstick. I don't understand her hatred of color. Jade is an interesting person but, I don't hate her.

"Jade." I say to her and she looks at me.

"Santana." She says. I then look down and smile at her daughter, Sage.

"Come on in." I move aside and they all step inside. Sage runs to the kids and Jade and Tori are standing near me as I close the door.

"So, where's the baby?" Tori asks giddily with a slight bounce as she asks.

"In the kitchen being fed. Let me check to make sure Rachel is decent." I tell her and as soon as my sentence ends, Rachel comes into the living room with Mateo in her arms. Rachel smiles warmly at them and makes her way to the couch, taking the center seat.

"Hey guys, have a seat." She says. Tori sits as close as she can to Rachel to gush over Mateo.

"He is so cute!" She says as she plays with one of his hands. Jade walks behind the couch and I stand near the end of it.

"Of course he is, he's my kid." I say and Rachel rolls her eyes at me.

"Thank you Tori. How have you two been? Set a date yet?" Rachel asks.

"Nothing in stone just yet. We were thinking Spring, maybe in March." Rachel nods and they continue their conversation. Jade and I begin to talk and before I know it, they're leaving. I cooked dinner and Adriana, Leo and Mateo were out like lights an hour after. Ava went back into her room after helping me wash the dishes and Rachel is now lying on the couch watching TV. I lift her legs then sit on the couch and massage her feet.

"How's that feel?" I ask.

"Amazing. Please don't stop." She says and I chuckle.

"Talking like that is what got you pregnant." Rachel rolls her eyes at me but I see the tiniest hint of a smirk.

"I don't know what you're talking about." She says.

"Oh, so you're the virgin Mary now?"

"No but I hate to break it to you this way but, Mateo isn't yours." Rachel says and I gasp dramatically.

"How could you?!" I say. Rachel shrugs.

"It was an accident." She says and I chuckle.

"Did you accidentally fall on a penis or...?" Rachel laughs and nods.

"No. A coworker touched my shoulder and it just happened. I didn't know how to tell you." She says and I shake my head.

"You're ridiculous." Rachel laughs and turns the TV channel. We sit there a little longer, talking and watching some cooking show.

 **Rachel's P.O.V.**

I slowly lift myself from the couch so that Santana doesn't wake up. I'm not sure when she fell asleep but I know she's tired. I've barely had to do anything but feed Mateo since we had him and as sweet as she is for taking the brunt of the work, I know she needs to rest. I make my way to Mateo's nursery and pick him up from his crib. I believe he just woke up but I can never tell with him because sometimes he will cry and other times he won't. We have a camera and he will wake up but not cry for 10 minutes or he'll wake up and cry for a second then go back to sleep.

I sit in the rocking chair near his crib and stare into his beautiful chocolate eyes. Everything about him reminds me of Santana and that makes me happier than you could ever imagine. Santana is all I could ever ask for and more. I don't know what I did to deserve her but I'm glad it happened. When Santana proposed, I didn't even hesitate to say yes. I know I just left a terrible marriage but Santana is all I've ever wanted. You wouldn't believe the patience she's used with me. We've come such a long way.

I'm still seeing a therapist for my anxiety but things have gotten much better and honestly, my therapist and I think I may be coming to the end of the road. It's amazing to think about how much my life has changed over the last few years. I feel like, being with Santana helped me find that piece of me that I thought died a long time ago but she was always there, just buried. I lost myself but I've found her and she's back with a vengeance. I will never allow myself to go back to that place ever again.

As for my previous marriage, I was obviously granted a divorce and sole custody of my children. The severity of Quinn's crimes caused her to lose parental rights to the children as well and Santana now has legal to rights to them. I haven't spoken to Quinn in years, since it's not allowed under the restraining order I have against her, but I also have nothing to say. Santana tells me that she has apologized but that won't change anything for me. We are beyond just an apology. I allow her to write and call the children for their sake, not hers. I've been working on forgiving Quinn for my own sake but it's still a work in process.

Overall, I can say I'm genuinely happy and though it took some time to get here, I'm just glad I made it to the other side.

* * *

 **A/N: Thank you everyone for reading this story, hope you enjoyed even though it was a bit darker than what I normally write. I really appreciate the feed back and support. Until next time guys..**


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